Okay, I just looked at the date I was last here and (BLUSH) WOW, it's been a while.
I've been. . . busy, cranky, depressed, frustrated and seriously hard to get along with. These are not the kinds of things you want to publicize to the world. So I've crawled into myself for a while. I am starting to get back on track.
Let's see. Progressing toward a move to Denver at the end of summer. (WHOOO HOO!!!)
Working to get my finances straightened out. (UGH!)
Having fun with the animals. (Always)
James is doing well. (Thank God, and I'm proud of you kiddo.)
Had a bad case of writer's block. It well and truly does suck. Basically, I'm more sensitive than I should be. I know this. It is why Cathy, (bless her), sent out all of my stuff at first---because rejection letters just killed me, and blocked my ability to write.
Well, I did a first draft of a book. And like all of my first drafts, it was crap. (Until I do a second pass, it's not a book, trust me), and I let criticism get to me in a big way. I know better. But I couldn't help it. But I'm finally to the point I can sit down at the computer and not just play computer games. SO, I'm fixing the draft now. And this weekend I'm doing the rewrite of a short story that is (ARGH!!!) due.
Oh, I'm starting a new fitness program too, because my health hasn't been great.
So that's it for now.
WOW, exciting. Breathtaking even. NOT!!!
Later.
Cie
Friday, May 16, 2008
Sunday, January 20, 2008
BELIEFS
I sent the following e-mail, and I suppose it's asking for trouble. People could edit it so that it says things I DIDN'T. But here, for the record, is what I sent.
***********************************************
Okay. I've been hearing the news, and seeing e-mails, and something has been bothering me. So I'm going to start something. It's a small thing, and maybe it's pointless. But I want to do it.
Here's what I'm doing. You can work with me on this. Or you can just hit delete. I won't know. It won't matter. Bad things won't happen. But if you're willing, I'd like you to read the following. If you agree with something, put an * behind it. If you have things you want to add, add them with your name in front. And maybe forward it on.
C. Adams
I am an American. And I believe:
In the Constitution (Including the Amendments) and the Bill of Rights. ALL of them. Up to and including Free Speech and the Right to Bear Arms; even when it's not convenient.
That you don't fight evil with evil. If you try, you've already lost.
I believe that the government is supposed to be "By the People and For the People." Since most of the people I know have to work 50 weeks with 2 weeks of vacation (with the weekend and occasional holiday off), I don't see any reason why Congress can't do the same.
I believe that the life of every single one of our servicemen and women is precious. But I also believe that there are values in life important enough to live for, and important enough to die for.
I believe that you cannot change a person's mind by force and domination.
I believe we've got to take a hard look at what policies have and haven't worked in the past fifty years and make changes where needed. Forget the rhetoric. If it isn't working, no matter how good it sounds, it ISN'T WORKING.
I believe we need LEADERS the kind of people who can truly inspire us to be the best we can be, not merely settle for what is easy or convenient. We, as a nation have pulled together in the past to do amazing, breathtaking things behind men and women we truly believed in. We can do it again, but we need people to believe in.
Conversely, I believe that we MUST look past the rhetoric and not just follow blindly. Hitler was a terrific orator and people followed him. Which is just terrifying when you think about it.
I believe it is a sad state of affairs that you can't get elected to high (or even most lower) office without a boatload of money and that appearances seem to be mattering more than substance. (Did I actually read about a candidate's HAIRSTYLE? Tell me I didn't. Please.)
I believe that I'm entitled to my beliefs AND SO ARE YOU, even if they aren't the same.
I believe that education is critical to success, and that inspiration and leadership are key to making people of all ages WANT to learn. Without the desire to learn, there IS no education, there is public babysitting.
I believe in hard work. For everybody. If you aren't willing to work for it, you apparently don't want it badly enough.
I also believe in charity. But you'd damned well better need it if you're drawing it.
I believe in healthcare for everybody. I'm not a genius, I don't know how we can do it, but I believe we should at least try.
I believe in the Statue of Liberty. Yes, our immigration system needs an overhaul, but it still says a lot that people WANT to come here.
I believe that we have a real problem with the tax system. And the deficit. And that they're connected. I mean, if I didn't put money in my checking and I wrote checks, the bank really would get pissed. Jail would be imminent. The economy is not just numbers. It's people's lives and livelihoods. It's irresponsible to think otherwise.
I believe this is still a great country. I believe in our legal system, despite its flaws. I believe that everyone is entitled to that legal system -- and I do not believe any threat of terrorism is great enough for us to forego our basic rights or to waive our responsibility to be the country of liberty AND JUSTICE FOR ALL that we have pledged to be.
I think it is sad and a sorry state of affairs that so many people think so little of the candidates, and have so little faith in the future of our country that they will probably not vote.
I think it is sad and a sorry state of affairs that I ever had to hear the words "dangling chad" and face the implications thereof.
I'm sure this has bored you. Maybe you haven't even gotten this far. But I believe in this country, and in the power of the people. And I hope you do to, and that you will forward it on.
***********************************************
Okay. I've been hearing the news, and seeing e-mails, and something has been bothering me. So I'm going to start something. It's a small thing, and maybe it's pointless. But I want to do it.
Here's what I'm doing. You can work with me on this. Or you can just hit delete. I won't know. It won't matter. Bad things won't happen. But if you're willing, I'd like you to read the following. If you agree with something, put an * behind it. If you have things you want to add, add them with your name in front. And maybe forward it on.
C. Adams
I am an American. And I believe:
In the Constitution (Including the Amendments) and the Bill of Rights. ALL of them. Up to and including Free Speech and the Right to Bear Arms; even when it's not convenient.
That you don't fight evil with evil. If you try, you've already lost.
I believe that the government is supposed to be "By the People and For the People." Since most of the people I know have to work 50 weeks with 2 weeks of vacation (with the weekend and occasional holiday off), I don't see any reason why Congress can't do the same.
I believe that the life of every single one of our servicemen and women is precious. But I also believe that there are values in life important enough to live for, and important enough to die for.
I believe that you cannot change a person's mind by force and domination.
I believe we've got to take a hard look at what policies have and haven't worked in the past fifty years and make changes where needed. Forget the rhetoric. If it isn't working, no matter how good it sounds, it ISN'T WORKING.
I believe we need LEADERS the kind of people who can truly inspire us to be the best we can be, not merely settle for what is easy or convenient. We, as a nation have pulled together in the past to do amazing, breathtaking things behind men and women we truly believed in. We can do it again, but we need people to believe in.
Conversely, I believe that we MUST look past the rhetoric and not just follow blindly. Hitler was a terrific orator and people followed him. Which is just terrifying when you think about it.
I believe it is a sad state of affairs that you can't get elected to high (or even most lower) office without a boatload of money and that appearances seem to be mattering more than substance. (Did I actually read about a candidate's HAIRSTYLE? Tell me I didn't. Please.)
I believe that I'm entitled to my beliefs AND SO ARE YOU, even if they aren't the same.
I believe that education is critical to success, and that inspiration and leadership are key to making people of all ages WANT to learn. Without the desire to learn, there IS no education, there is public babysitting.
I believe in hard work. For everybody. If you aren't willing to work for it, you apparently don't want it badly enough.
I also believe in charity. But you'd damned well better need it if you're drawing it.
I believe in healthcare for everybody. I'm not a genius, I don't know how we can do it, but I believe we should at least try.
I believe in the Statue of Liberty. Yes, our immigration system needs an overhaul, but it still says a lot that people WANT to come here.
I believe that we have a real problem with the tax system. And the deficit. And that they're connected. I mean, if I didn't put money in my checking and I wrote checks, the bank really would get pissed. Jail would be imminent. The economy is not just numbers. It's people's lives and livelihoods. It's irresponsible to think otherwise.
I believe this is still a great country. I believe in our legal system, despite its flaws. I believe that everyone is entitled to that legal system -- and I do not believe any threat of terrorism is great enough for us to forego our basic rights or to waive our responsibility to be the country of liberty AND JUSTICE FOR ALL that we have pledged to be.
I think it is sad and a sorry state of affairs that so many people think so little of the candidates, and have so little faith in the future of our country that they will probably not vote.
I think it is sad and a sorry state of affairs that I ever had to hear the words "dangling chad" and face the implications thereof.
I'm sure this has bored you. Maybe you haven't even gotten this far. But I believe in this country, and in the power of the people. And I hope you do to, and that you will forward it on.
Sunday, January 13, 2008
On Writing
Okay guys, I keep having to apologize for not blogging. But here's the truth of the matter.
1) I don't have a lot of time.
2) The computer has been acting out and is going to need to visit the tech.
3) I've been in a kind of crappy mood and didn't want to take it out on y'all.
We'll address them one at a time.
1) I've got a full time job that has gone a little nutso. I've got a house a family and several much loved but really seriously demanding pets. Oh, and I also write novels, which takes time in and of itself, but also requires a whole lot of business stuff (like redesigning websites, buying rights to photos TO redesign websites, answering correspondence, business plans, etc.). I know that other people seem to juggle this stuff effortlessly. From my point of view it is SOOOOOO not effortless. Worth it -- Absolutely. Effortless? (INSERT LOUD HYSTERICAL LAUGHTER).
The books are actually going well. Cathy is working on a draft of a standalone novel. It was kicking her butt for a while, which made for a lot of discussions and meetings, but it's a helluva good book. I'd not been all that grabbed by the premise initially, but it's turning into something really impressive and cool. But it's taking its time and a whole lot of hard work.
The mystery is on the back burner for right now, simmering away. It's a good plot, great characters, but I found that my bad attitude regarding some small town stuff was bleeding over and affecting the book. I need it not to, so I decided to set it aside until I could get myself a little attitude adjustment. This I have been accomplishing by doing motivational CDs, books, AND writing a seriously vicious little paranormal that is now approaching its climax.
The paranormal is seriously cool. (At least to me. God alone knows if anyone else will like it. I swear, you never can tell. Truly.) It's an urban fantasy, not a romance. First, I'm feeling a little confined by the romance tropes and want to move in a different direction. Second, our core fan base really isn't romance readers. Just isn't. We tend to appeal to hard-core bookstore fantasy/urban fantasy types who like darker paranormal reads. This book is for them. Besides, Celia is just not a romantic kinda gal.
OK -- side trip here. PLEASE do not EVER assume that "write what you know" means an author is using their husband/mother/kids or sexual practices, real life bosses, etc. in a book. First off, UGH. Second -- Can you say SLANDER? How bout LIBEL? I knew you could. Seriously, I've used a physical description with permission. But my characters are actually people of their very own. Yes, I take characteristics from people I've met. (I need a real asshole of an attorney. Hmnn, I've worked in law for about 25 years now, have I met one or two SOMEWHERE? What traits did they have in common?)
SECOND AND IMPORTANTLY, In my opinion (and thus in my writing, because it is my favorite forum) (a) Major characters are more interesting if they have screwed up tortured backgrounds. Happy families seem to make for happy writers and dull characters. Go figure. SO, my poor, tortured characters have really serious screwed up backgrounds. That doesn't mean I do. I don't. My parents are still crazy about each other after close to sixty years, I'm loved and treated well and always have been. (b) Characters are people. This means that they are NOT perfect. They screw up. They have big, honking major faults. Some of them are prejudiced. Some aren't. Some are straight. Some aren't. I try to make my characters reflect the diversity of real life. This means that some of them are going to have opinions I don't agree with. They'll say things that make me cringe. But if I am going to honestly write them and put them in, they NEED to say what they'd say, not some cleaned up dishonest version that isn't believable. Some people swear (myself included.) Guess what? Some of my characters swear. Others don't. Do not beat me up verbally because one of my characters is a jerk and say that I must be a bigot or whatever unless you can put a minimum of 500 random people in a room, interview them, and not find a single one who has a similar viewpoint.
OK -- Back down from my soap box.
(2) The computer is acting out. I'm hoping it holds up until I can get the draft of the book finished. Keep your fingers crossed.
(3) I've been tired, and stressed, and it has affected my mood. Sorry.
ON TO OTHER THINGS. . .
I want to thank Laurell K. Hamilton.
First. She's a seriously cool lady. One of the best. Really really.
Second, she's helped us and was gracious as hell about doing it. She didn't have to, but she did.
But thirdly, she has a blog.
(Laurell Hamilton has a blog E I E I O)
And on her blog she has LOTS of interesting stuff about writing.
(and on her blog she says a lot, E I E I O)
(OKAY, this is just getting silly)
ANYWAY, she talks about life, and she talks about writing. Mostly she talks about the life of a writer. And it has been REALLY REALLY helpful to me. Because writing is basically kind of a weird solitary life, and at the same time, you have all this business stuff to go with the creative stuff, and it's HARD. And I feel like I'm a weird, odd little geeky person thats more than a little nutso, and then I read her blog and go -- WHOA, somebody else is going through this. Maybe it's okay.
For example. She's been talking about the edits for Blood Noir. And ohmigod, it came at the perfect time. Because while I'm in the heat of the new book, geting ready to go into the climax, here come the edits for Touch of Darkness. And yes, I have to do them. Cathy's in a book on deadline. I'm the primary anyway. I KNOW that book. BUT NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!! (Watch Cie turn into a 4 year old throwing a temper tantrum that deserves a swat on the fanny) I don't wanna! Don't make me! NOOOOOOOOOO!
And you still have to do it. And you pray, PRAY that you don't loose the heat and excitement of the new book because you're slogging through the mundanity of the finished one. And YES you loved the previous one too, but DAMMIT it was DONE, but it wasn't because it wasn't edited and it WILL be better when you fix it but DAMMMIT.
(If you followed that, you are either a writer, the family member of a writer, or a better man than I Gungha Din.)
ANYWAY, I've got edits. And I've got a book that wants to get written. And church. So I've got to go. But "THANK YOU LAURELL K. HAMILTON for making me feel just a little less like a freak."
Cie/C.T. Adams
1) I don't have a lot of time.
2) The computer has been acting out and is going to need to visit the tech.
3) I've been in a kind of crappy mood and didn't want to take it out on y'all.
We'll address them one at a time.
1) I've got a full time job that has gone a little nutso. I've got a house a family and several much loved but really seriously demanding pets. Oh, and I also write novels, which takes time in and of itself, but also requires a whole lot of business stuff (like redesigning websites, buying rights to photos TO redesign websites, answering correspondence, business plans, etc.). I know that other people seem to juggle this stuff effortlessly. From my point of view it is SOOOOOO not effortless. Worth it -- Absolutely. Effortless? (INSERT LOUD HYSTERICAL LAUGHTER).
The books are actually going well. Cathy is working on a draft of a standalone novel. It was kicking her butt for a while, which made for a lot of discussions and meetings, but it's a helluva good book. I'd not been all that grabbed by the premise initially, but it's turning into something really impressive and cool. But it's taking its time and a whole lot of hard work.
The mystery is on the back burner for right now, simmering away. It's a good plot, great characters, but I found that my bad attitude regarding some small town stuff was bleeding over and affecting the book. I need it not to, so I decided to set it aside until I could get myself a little attitude adjustment. This I have been accomplishing by doing motivational CDs, books, AND writing a seriously vicious little paranormal that is now approaching its climax.
The paranormal is seriously cool. (At least to me. God alone knows if anyone else will like it. I swear, you never can tell. Truly.) It's an urban fantasy, not a romance. First, I'm feeling a little confined by the romance tropes and want to move in a different direction. Second, our core fan base really isn't romance readers. Just isn't. We tend to appeal to hard-core bookstore fantasy/urban fantasy types who like darker paranormal reads. This book is for them. Besides, Celia is just not a romantic kinda gal.
OK -- side trip here. PLEASE do not EVER assume that "write what you know" means an author is using their husband/mother/kids or sexual practices, real life bosses, etc. in a book. First off, UGH. Second -- Can you say SLANDER? How bout LIBEL? I knew you could. Seriously, I've used a physical description with permission. But my characters are actually people of their very own. Yes, I take characteristics from people I've met. (I need a real asshole of an attorney. Hmnn, I've worked in law for about 25 years now, have I met one or two SOMEWHERE? What traits did they have in common?)
SECOND AND IMPORTANTLY, In my opinion (and thus in my writing, because it is my favorite forum) (a) Major characters are more interesting if they have screwed up tortured backgrounds. Happy families seem to make for happy writers and dull characters. Go figure. SO, my poor, tortured characters have really serious screwed up backgrounds. That doesn't mean I do. I don't. My parents are still crazy about each other after close to sixty years, I'm loved and treated well and always have been. (b) Characters are people. This means that they are NOT perfect. They screw up. They have big, honking major faults. Some of them are prejudiced. Some aren't. Some are straight. Some aren't. I try to make my characters reflect the diversity of real life. This means that some of them are going to have opinions I don't agree with. They'll say things that make me cringe. But if I am going to honestly write them and put them in, they NEED to say what they'd say, not some cleaned up dishonest version that isn't believable. Some people swear (myself included.) Guess what? Some of my characters swear. Others don't. Do not beat me up verbally because one of my characters is a jerk and say that I must be a bigot or whatever unless you can put a minimum of 500 random people in a room, interview them, and not find a single one who has a similar viewpoint.
OK -- Back down from my soap box.
(2) The computer is acting out. I'm hoping it holds up until I can get the draft of the book finished. Keep your fingers crossed.
(3) I've been tired, and stressed, and it has affected my mood. Sorry.
ON TO OTHER THINGS. . .
I want to thank Laurell K. Hamilton.
First. She's a seriously cool lady. One of the best. Really really.
Second, she's helped us and was gracious as hell about doing it. She didn't have to, but she did.
But thirdly, she has a blog.
(Laurell Hamilton has a blog E I E I O)
And on her blog she has LOTS of interesting stuff about writing.
(and on her blog she says a lot, E I E I O)
(OKAY, this is just getting silly)
ANYWAY, she talks about life, and she talks about writing. Mostly she talks about the life of a writer. And it has been REALLY REALLY helpful to me. Because writing is basically kind of a weird solitary life, and at the same time, you have all this business stuff to go with the creative stuff, and it's HARD. And I feel like I'm a weird, odd little geeky person thats more than a little nutso, and then I read her blog and go -- WHOA, somebody else is going through this. Maybe it's okay.
For example. She's been talking about the edits for Blood Noir. And ohmigod, it came at the perfect time. Because while I'm in the heat of the new book, geting ready to go into the climax, here come the edits for Touch of Darkness. And yes, I have to do them. Cathy's in a book on deadline. I'm the primary anyway. I KNOW that book. BUT NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!! (Watch Cie turn into a 4 year old throwing a temper tantrum that deserves a swat on the fanny) I don't wanna! Don't make me! NOOOOOOOOOO!
And you still have to do it. And you pray, PRAY that you don't loose the heat and excitement of the new book because you're slogging through the mundanity of the finished one. And YES you loved the previous one too, but DAMMIT it was DONE, but it wasn't because it wasn't edited and it WILL be better when you fix it but DAMMMIT.
(If you followed that, you are either a writer, the family member of a writer, or a better man than I Gungha Din.)
ANYWAY, I've got edits. And I've got a book that wants to get written. And church. So I've got to go. But "THANK YOU LAURELL K. HAMILTON for making me feel just a little less like a freak."
Cie/C.T. Adams
Thursday, December 27, 2007
BIG NEWS WOOT WOOT WOOT!!!!
Cathy just received the February issue of Romantic Times and WOW, did it make us bounce around the room! The nominees for the Romantic Times Reviewers Choice Awards were listed and not only was HOWLING MOON there under Shapeshifter Romance, but TOUCH OF MADNESS also made the grade in Contemporary Paranormal Romance.
The thing that astounded me the most, though, was that we’ve been nominated for a CAREER ACHIEVEMENT AWARD in Paranormal Romance! Woo!
Holy CRAP!!!
The thing that astounded me the most, though, was that we’ve been nominated for a CAREER ACHIEVEMENT AWARD in Paranormal Romance! Woo!
Holy CRAP!!!
Tuesday, December 25, 2007
Merry Christmas/Happy Yule/Joyous Hannakkuh(sp?)/Happy Quanza sp?)
Or as my son sometimes puts is -- Happy International Gift Giving Holiday.
I am a Catholic Christian and thus, I went to Midnight Mass. I also have my own personal tradition of singing out "Happy Birthday to You" with Jesus as the birthday boy. Weird, I know, but it works for me.
This afternoon I have been invited to friends houses. Other friends have called, and family, many of them worried that I would be depressed and lonely today. I appreciate their concern, but Christmas isn't really one of my big holidays. I'm more into Thanksgiving and Halloween, even the 4th of July. Which is why I went to visit my son on the Thanksgiving weekend instead of now --- that and hoping that I might be able to get to Illinois to visit my parents, for whom Christmas is a big deal. But that didn't happen. Probably going to have to be a spring visit.
Mostly I've been curled up with the furbearers (4 cats and 1 large dog) for a four day holiday that has let me rest and try to recover. For those of you who haven't been here, my health has been doing it's bad thing again, and I'm working to head off some trouble at the pass. Chronic stuff that is bothersome, but not life threatening.
Oddly, (or not) my animals all know when the health is iffy. They train assistance animals to do that, but mine have always just known instinctively. And when I need rest, they make darned sure I get it---even going so far as pinning me down to the bed and hooking their claws in the mattress so I can't move when they want me to rest. Pushy, but effective. And since they seem to know it a little before I do, I've started paying a little more attention, so that I stop BEFORE I keel over.
As I've said before, I'm in the middle of my midlife crisis. It has hit, predictably enough, at 48. I'm trying not to let it rule me, but I have to admit, I want things to change. I feel like the old Queen song -- "I want it all. I want it all. I want it all, and I want it NOW!"
I do believe I can make the changes I need to, once I decide what they are and what I DO want. (Right now I'm mired down in what I DON'T want). But it will take time, will, and work. It always does.
On a completely other note (C# perhaps), I have been thinking about regrets.
Regrets are poisonous. First. You can't go back in time, you can't change what has happened. Second, what you did, and the consequences of it, have changed who you are and who everyone it affected is in unpredictable ways. If, indeed, you are even remotely happy with who you have become, it is in part because of what you did. In fact, I believe it is our mistakes and our regrets that teach us the harshest and most indelible lessons. The "I'm SOOOOO not going back there" kind of lessons that we need to progress as decent human beings. But dwelling on it, and regretting, can keep you from learning the lesson and moving on, and leave you mired down in a morass of stinking, smelling excrement that only makes you feel progressively worse about yourself.
Does that mean I am not sorry about anything I've done? Hell no! I've screwed up more than my share and hurt people badly in the process. There are times when I want to scream because I'm STILL and will always hurt over things I did to myself and others.
For example, without getting too specific. If I could I'd make a broadcast announcement something along the lines of: "Deno Russo, I realize it's been almost three decades, but I'm still REALLY, REALLY sorry, I was nineteen, drank too much, and was generally an idiot. I hope you forgive me and that you've had a wonderful life since then. You deserve it. Oh, and happy birthday." In the hopes that the said Mr. Russo would, in fact, forgive me. If he even remembers me, which is problemmatic since it has, after all, been almost three decades and I probably didn't mean nearly as much to him as he did to me. (Cruel truth, but truth nonetheless.) For all I know, he's happily married to a Playboy Bunny and living the high life. Or, more likely, just living a regular, ordinary life. Which is no bad thing.
And there are other things too. Most of them I've apologized to the people who got hurt for. Many of those people have actually forgiven me. But if I think about them too much I realize it's easier to forgive others than to forgive yourself.
Still, I kind of go along with the famous person (who I can't remember the name of, so can't accurately quote) who said they'd rather regret what they did than what they haven't done.
There are things I haven't done (yet) that I want to. But I've achieved a remarkable amount of what I've wanted in life. Oh, I haven't travelled to the exotic places I thought would be cool. But as I get older I realize I LIKE being home with my animals. A lot. I do better with trips of 4 days to a week. Longer than that just wears me out and I miss the critters and the comforts of home.
I look at the wall where I've posted the covers of the novels we've written and I just blink sometimes. It's real. It's really, truly, REAL. There are people out there who actually care about my imaginary friends, who honestly want to know what's going on and going to happen next. That is so flipping COOL I can't even tell you. I mean, things and realities that were only swirling around in the recesses of my brain are actually achieving their own reality in other people's (is that the correct plural possessive? I don't know. A copyeditor I'm not.) minds.
So I sit here writing this before I get ready to go have dinner and shoot pool and am thinking (1) should I even post this? (2) Will anyone even read it? It's rambling pretty long, and to anyone but me is probably wretchedly boring (except maybe Deno, but the odds of that are so long I'd be better off buying a powerball ticket.)
Anyway, tomorrow I go back to work. I like my day job. The people are cool. The work is doable. Yeah, I'd like to be independently wealthy, but I'm not. So if I've got to work, it's a good place to do it. But I wish I had more time and energy to write. And I wish I were living in the city again.
There are people who love the rural/farm/ranch life.
There are people who love small towns.
There are people who love urban areas.
They are not the same people. And that is okay. It takes all kinds to make a world. I am still, despite everything, and urban kind of gal. That I am living in a small town is a problem for me. Yes, there are wonderful advantages. Ask any of the people who love small town living and they will expound on it for hours. They will also tell of the horrors of urban life.
I, alas, do not agree. Living in a small town is. . . okay. It has served its purpose in my life. I suspect I will be here a while longer. But there are a lot of things that are crazy-making for me about small town life; and things I can indulge in my personality in the city which are just too too TOO "weird" for a very-conservative small town.
I miss my eccentricities. A lot. I miss it being completely unremarkable for people to have multiple piercings or wear goth or vintage clothing, hair color not found in nature and tattoos. I miss there being LOTS of men with long hair and/or facial hair, and people not being weirded by my wearing a leather biker jacket even though I'm a middle-aged woman. I miss shooting pool and eating at Chipotle's. I don't want to have to iron my jeans to have a crease or risk being thought slovenly. I'd probably still be very conservative at work. I work in law. It's a conservative business. But I miss the sheer, rowdy LIFE of the city. If I wake up at 2:00 in the morning I'd like there to be something for me to DO besides go to the convenience store and buy gas.
And I can't say most of the above out loud in public right now because it would honestly insult the hell out of the people here. They would read it as an indictment of the lifestyle they hold dear. These are good, kind, people who honestly care about me and worry about not only my life but my immortal soul. (They take that last particularly seriously, I may add). I don't want to hurt them. I would (see previous paragraphs) REGRET it. But there are times when I just want to stand in the middle of the courthouse square and SCREAM my frustration out because there's a good 3/4 of my personality that I'm stuffing down just to get by. And I honestly don't know how much longer I can do that. Which means that things could get very . . . interesting.
Stay tuned.
I am a Catholic Christian and thus, I went to Midnight Mass. I also have my own personal tradition of singing out "Happy Birthday to You" with Jesus as the birthday boy. Weird, I know, but it works for me.
This afternoon I have been invited to friends houses. Other friends have called, and family, many of them worried that I would be depressed and lonely today. I appreciate their concern, but Christmas isn't really one of my big holidays. I'm more into Thanksgiving and Halloween, even the 4th of July. Which is why I went to visit my son on the Thanksgiving weekend instead of now --- that and hoping that I might be able to get to Illinois to visit my parents, for whom Christmas is a big deal. But that didn't happen. Probably going to have to be a spring visit.
Mostly I've been curled up with the furbearers (4 cats and 1 large dog) for a four day holiday that has let me rest and try to recover. For those of you who haven't been here, my health has been doing it's bad thing again, and I'm working to head off some trouble at the pass. Chronic stuff that is bothersome, but not life threatening.
Oddly, (or not) my animals all know when the health is iffy. They train assistance animals to do that, but mine have always just known instinctively. And when I need rest, they make darned sure I get it---even going so far as pinning me down to the bed and hooking their claws in the mattress so I can't move when they want me to rest. Pushy, but effective. And since they seem to know it a little before I do, I've started paying a little more attention, so that I stop BEFORE I keel over.
As I've said before, I'm in the middle of my midlife crisis. It has hit, predictably enough, at 48. I'm trying not to let it rule me, but I have to admit, I want things to change. I feel like the old Queen song -- "I want it all. I want it all. I want it all, and I want it NOW!"
I do believe I can make the changes I need to, once I decide what they are and what I DO want. (Right now I'm mired down in what I DON'T want). But it will take time, will, and work. It always does.
On a completely other note (C# perhaps), I have been thinking about regrets.
Regrets are poisonous. First. You can't go back in time, you can't change what has happened. Second, what you did, and the consequences of it, have changed who you are and who everyone it affected is in unpredictable ways. If, indeed, you are even remotely happy with who you have become, it is in part because of what you did. In fact, I believe it is our mistakes and our regrets that teach us the harshest and most indelible lessons. The "I'm SOOOOO not going back there" kind of lessons that we need to progress as decent human beings. But dwelling on it, and regretting, can keep you from learning the lesson and moving on, and leave you mired down in a morass of stinking, smelling excrement that only makes you feel progressively worse about yourself.
Does that mean I am not sorry about anything I've done? Hell no! I've screwed up more than my share and hurt people badly in the process. There are times when I want to scream because I'm STILL and will always hurt over things I did to myself and others.
For example, without getting too specific. If I could I'd make a broadcast announcement something along the lines of: "Deno Russo, I realize it's been almost three decades, but I'm still REALLY, REALLY sorry, I was nineteen, drank too much, and was generally an idiot. I hope you forgive me and that you've had a wonderful life since then. You deserve it. Oh, and happy birthday." In the hopes that the said Mr. Russo would, in fact, forgive me. If he even remembers me, which is problemmatic since it has, after all, been almost three decades and I probably didn't mean nearly as much to him as he did to me. (Cruel truth, but truth nonetheless.) For all I know, he's happily married to a Playboy Bunny and living the high life. Or, more likely, just living a regular, ordinary life. Which is no bad thing.
And there are other things too. Most of them I've apologized to the people who got hurt for. Many of those people have actually forgiven me. But if I think about them too much I realize it's easier to forgive others than to forgive yourself.
Still, I kind of go along with the famous person (who I can't remember the name of, so can't accurately quote) who said they'd rather regret what they did than what they haven't done.
There are things I haven't done (yet) that I want to. But I've achieved a remarkable amount of what I've wanted in life. Oh, I haven't travelled to the exotic places I thought would be cool. But as I get older I realize I LIKE being home with my animals. A lot. I do better with trips of 4 days to a week. Longer than that just wears me out and I miss the critters and the comforts of home.
I look at the wall where I've posted the covers of the novels we've written and I just blink sometimes. It's real. It's really, truly, REAL. There are people out there who actually care about my imaginary friends, who honestly want to know what's going on and going to happen next. That is so flipping COOL I can't even tell you. I mean, things and realities that were only swirling around in the recesses of my brain are actually achieving their own reality in other people's (is that the correct plural possessive? I don't know. A copyeditor I'm not.) minds.
So I sit here writing this before I get ready to go have dinner and shoot pool and am thinking (1) should I even post this? (2) Will anyone even read it? It's rambling pretty long, and to anyone but me is probably wretchedly boring (except maybe Deno, but the odds of that are so long I'd be better off buying a powerball ticket.)
Anyway, tomorrow I go back to work. I like my day job. The people are cool. The work is doable. Yeah, I'd like to be independently wealthy, but I'm not. So if I've got to work, it's a good place to do it. But I wish I had more time and energy to write. And I wish I were living in the city again.
There are people who love the rural/farm/ranch life.
There are people who love small towns.
There are people who love urban areas.
They are not the same people. And that is okay. It takes all kinds to make a world. I am still, despite everything, and urban kind of gal. That I am living in a small town is a problem for me. Yes, there are wonderful advantages. Ask any of the people who love small town living and they will expound on it for hours. They will also tell of the horrors of urban life.
I, alas, do not agree. Living in a small town is. . . okay. It has served its purpose in my life. I suspect I will be here a while longer. But there are a lot of things that are crazy-making for me about small town life; and things I can indulge in my personality in the city which are just too too TOO "weird" for a very-conservative small town.
I miss my eccentricities. A lot. I miss it being completely unremarkable for people to have multiple piercings or wear goth or vintage clothing, hair color not found in nature and tattoos. I miss there being LOTS of men with long hair and/or facial hair, and people not being weirded by my wearing a leather biker jacket even though I'm a middle-aged woman. I miss shooting pool and eating at Chipotle's. I don't want to have to iron my jeans to have a crease or risk being thought slovenly. I'd probably still be very conservative at work. I work in law. It's a conservative business. But I miss the sheer, rowdy LIFE of the city. If I wake up at 2:00 in the morning I'd like there to be something for me to DO besides go to the convenience store and buy gas.
And I can't say most of the above out loud in public right now because it would honestly insult the hell out of the people here. They would read it as an indictment of the lifestyle they hold dear. These are good, kind, people who honestly care about me and worry about not only my life but my immortal soul. (They take that last particularly seriously, I may add). I don't want to hurt them. I would (see previous paragraphs) REGRET it. But there are times when I just want to stand in the middle of the courthouse square and SCREAM my frustration out because there's a good 3/4 of my personality that I'm stuffing down just to get by. And I honestly don't know how much longer I can do that. Which means that things could get very . . . interesting.
Stay tuned.
Friday, December 21, 2007
Holly Happydays
Hi Guys!
Holly happydays! I am officially off work at the day job for the next four days! WOOT!!
Don't get me wrong, I like the day job, but I am SOOOOOO pooped. And I've been having symptoms, AND I need to write, AND I need to get the website redone and up, AND the house is a pit. But mostly, I need to rest and hope to get my health back on track.
Also, I'm in the throes of my midlife crisis. So I need to figure out what the @#*$( I want to do with myself.
I'll let you know how it all works out. Right now I just know that I'm wanting to liven things up in my life. Enjoy a little more, be a little funky and creative with regard to my personal life and not just the writing. The problem is, this is a VERY conservative small town. Funky is not looked upon highly for middle-aged women. At ALL. But I want it. So, we'll see what I do, where and how far I go.
Wish me luck.
And hopefully I'll make real progress on the writing.
Cie
Holly happydays! I am officially off work at the day job for the next four days! WOOT!!
Don't get me wrong, I like the day job, but I am SOOOOOO pooped. And I've been having symptoms, AND I need to write, AND I need to get the website redone and up, AND the house is a pit. But mostly, I need to rest and hope to get my health back on track.
Also, I'm in the throes of my midlife crisis. So I need to figure out what the @#*$( I want to do with myself.
I'll let you know how it all works out. Right now I just know that I'm wanting to liven things up in my life. Enjoy a little more, be a little funky and creative with regard to my personal life and not just the writing. The problem is, this is a VERY conservative small town. Funky is not looked upon highly for middle-aged women. At ALL. But I want it. So, we'll see what I do, where and how far I go.
Wish me luck.
And hopefully I'll make real progress on the writing.
Cie
Sunday, December 09, 2007
OY
OY!
It's the holidays. How did that happen?
Um, YIKES!
Okay. Let's see. Book is progressing. Right now I'm working with Cathy on the standalone. It's been a little tricky, but I think we've got it now. The one I was working on is still chomping at the bit, so I hope to get back to it soon.
Had a great visit with my son. It was good to see him. Don't know what I'm going to do for Christmas. Maybe just stay home with the animals. I um, kinda, um, well OVERSPENT. OOPS.
(Not like anyone else does that at this time of year or anything. LOL.)
Got the cover for Touch of Darkness. IT SOOOOOOOOOO Rocks. As soon as I remember how to post it I will.
I'm sorry that I haven't gotten the website updated yet, but I HAVE gotten the photo and it is in process. It's just that real life keeps intervening. My employer actually thinks I should WORK for a living. Who knew? (Apparently my creditors, but let's not go there, hmnn?)
I'm in the throes of my midlife crisis. I don't know what I'm going to do about it, but I am DEFINITELY in the throes.
WELL, I'd love to go on (and on), but I wanna get going. So, LATER.
Cie
It's the holidays. How did that happen?
Um, YIKES!
Okay. Let's see. Book is progressing. Right now I'm working with Cathy on the standalone. It's been a little tricky, but I think we've got it now. The one I was working on is still chomping at the bit, so I hope to get back to it soon.
Had a great visit with my son. It was good to see him. Don't know what I'm going to do for Christmas. Maybe just stay home with the animals. I um, kinda, um, well OVERSPENT. OOPS.
(Not like anyone else does that at this time of year or anything. LOL.)
Got the cover for Touch of Darkness. IT SOOOOOOOOOO Rocks. As soon as I remember how to post it I will.
I'm sorry that I haven't gotten the website updated yet, but I HAVE gotten the photo and it is in process. It's just that real life keeps intervening. My employer actually thinks I should WORK for a living. Who knew? (Apparently my creditors, but let's not go there, hmnn?)
I'm in the throes of my midlife crisis. I don't know what I'm going to do about it, but I am DEFINITELY in the throes.
WELL, I'd love to go on (and on), but I wanna get going. So, LATER.
Cie
Sunday, November 18, 2007
Loyalty, Practicality, and Doing the Right Thing
I try hard to do the right thing. Unfortunately, I find that a lot of the time I have a really hard time figuring out WHAT the "right thing" is.
For example:
I was at a conference a while back. On panels. On more than one panel, over and over again books by one of my friends/acquaintances (who is one of the best people around and catches a whole lot of flack she doesn't deserve) were being ripped.
The problem: (1) I want to be loyal. (2) I want to be honest.
Some of the criticism was right in line with my own views. But I'M not the author. It's her playground, her rules. And honestly, if you don't like it, vote with your pocketbook--move on. Nobody REQUIRES you to read them. I honestly don't get the vitriol.
Same conference, different panel, I'm trying to explain how our books are kind of cross-genre, genre-bending. It's not that we are putting down any one group, we just aren't necessarily a good fit there. Again, don't like the books, don't buy them. No problema. Not everybody likes the same stuff. Which leaves more of what I like for me.
OH BOY OH BOYOBOYOBOY! You'd've thought I shot someone's Granny or kicked their puppy dog. Apparently there are RULES folks, and there are people who BELIEVE IN THOSE RULES! Thou shalt write what I tell you to dammit. You 'vil write it and you VIL LIKE IT!
Um, uh . . . no. Not so much.
I know there are tropes for every genre. If you write genre fiction, you have to at least acnkowledge they exist, and you risk offending fans of the genre if you stray too far from them. BUT (and I'm talking a BIG, FREAKING WORLD CLASS BUT HERE) YOU GET TO. Just don't portray it as *INSERT GENRE HERE*. For example, I (IN MY OWN OPINION) do not consider our books classic romantic fiction. We have too much violence, not enough angst (usually). I mean, we have a BODY COUNT in our books for heaven's sake. There are people who have alternative lifestyles and actually ENJOY them. There are also people who are happily monogamous and straight. Because, from what I've seen of real life, both groups exist. There are also people who are screwed up from almost every walk of life. We write some of those too. Now, we are marketed in romance, and shelved in romance in some stores. We are also marketed as fantasy and urban fantasy and shelved there in other stores. Neither offends me. But I think that the fantasy readers are probably confused by the romance level and the romance readers are frustrated at the violence.
I don't think you can make everybody happy. So I/we just write the best books we can and hope that people like them. I'm not deliberately offending people. But it is how I see it.
But I actually have had people in the part of the country where I now reside who have informed me that they are really worried about the state of my soul because of what I write.
Um. Well. Hmnnn. Thank you? I mean, I'm glad you care. But if you've actually read the books, you know that they're pretty much parables of good versus evil and, while evil puts up one (pardon the expression) hell of a fight, good wins.
And, another, final, example. As an author you get asked to read (LOTS AND LOTS OF) books by other authors to give cover quotes. This is a nice thing to do. It can really make a difference for the other author. And if the book is good, WHOO HOO, you betcha. But, um, what if the uh, um, book . . . sucks? I mean, REALLY sucks as in "I threw the damned thing across the room hard enough that it knocked the painting off of the wall" sucks? You want to be kind. You want to do your friend a favor. (And you may someday want a quote of your own---and karma, my friends, can be a bitch.) BUT you owe the people picking it up based on your name honesty. And I don't lie for sh**. AND I don't have a lot of time. Deadlines are perpetually looming, threatening to take over my life. So, in self-defense, I've taken a risky stance and am not doing cover quotes when I'm on deadline. (Since I'm practically always on deadline, that means I'm not doing a lot of cover quotes. Which may mean people won't do them for me.)
Okay, I've ranted long enough. I've gotta go anyway. The books, my friends, do not write themselves.
Best always.
Cie
For example:
I was at a conference a while back. On panels. On more than one panel, over and over again books by one of my friends/acquaintances (who is one of the best people around and catches a whole lot of flack she doesn't deserve) were being ripped.
The problem: (1) I want to be loyal. (2) I want to be honest.
Some of the criticism was right in line with my own views. But I'M not the author. It's her playground, her rules. And honestly, if you don't like it, vote with your pocketbook--move on. Nobody REQUIRES you to read them. I honestly don't get the vitriol.
Same conference, different panel, I'm trying to explain how our books are kind of cross-genre, genre-bending. It's not that we are putting down any one group, we just aren't necessarily a good fit there. Again, don't like the books, don't buy them. No problema. Not everybody likes the same stuff. Which leaves more of what I like for me.
OH BOY OH BOYOBOYOBOY! You'd've thought I shot someone's Granny or kicked their puppy dog. Apparently there are RULES folks, and there are people who BELIEVE IN THOSE RULES! Thou shalt write what I tell you to dammit. You 'vil write it and you VIL LIKE IT!
Um, uh . . . no. Not so much.
I know there are tropes for every genre. If you write genre fiction, you have to at least acnkowledge they exist, and you risk offending fans of the genre if you stray too far from them. BUT (and I'm talking a BIG, FREAKING WORLD CLASS BUT HERE) YOU GET TO. Just don't portray it as *INSERT GENRE HERE*. For example, I (IN MY OWN OPINION) do not consider our books classic romantic fiction. We have too much violence, not enough angst (usually). I mean, we have a BODY COUNT in our books for heaven's sake. There are people who have alternative lifestyles and actually ENJOY them. There are also people who are happily monogamous and straight. Because, from what I've seen of real life, both groups exist. There are also people who are screwed up from almost every walk of life. We write some of those too. Now, we are marketed in romance, and shelved in romance in some stores. We are also marketed as fantasy and urban fantasy and shelved there in other stores. Neither offends me. But I think that the fantasy readers are probably confused by the romance level and the romance readers are frustrated at the violence.
I don't think you can make everybody happy. So I/we just write the best books we can and hope that people like them. I'm not deliberately offending people. But it is how I see it.
But I actually have had people in the part of the country where I now reside who have informed me that they are really worried about the state of my soul because of what I write.
Um. Well. Hmnnn. Thank you? I mean, I'm glad you care. But if you've actually read the books, you know that they're pretty much parables of good versus evil and, while evil puts up one (pardon the expression) hell of a fight, good wins.
And, another, final, example. As an author you get asked to read (LOTS AND LOTS OF) books by other authors to give cover quotes. This is a nice thing to do. It can really make a difference for the other author. And if the book is good, WHOO HOO, you betcha. But, um, what if the uh, um, book . . . sucks? I mean, REALLY sucks as in "I threw the damned thing across the room hard enough that it knocked the painting off of the wall" sucks? You want to be kind. You want to do your friend a favor. (And you may someday want a quote of your own---and karma, my friends, can be a bitch.) BUT you owe the people picking it up based on your name honesty. And I don't lie for sh**. AND I don't have a lot of time. Deadlines are perpetually looming, threatening to take over my life. So, in self-defense, I've taken a risky stance and am not doing cover quotes when I'm on deadline. (Since I'm practically always on deadline, that means I'm not doing a lot of cover quotes. Which may mean people won't do them for me.)
Okay, I've ranted long enough. I've gotta go anyway. The books, my friends, do not write themselves.
Best always.
Cie
Saturday, November 17, 2007
Returning FINALLY
Okay guys, I haven't posted since SEPTEMBER and it's um. . . mid-November. Can you tell I've been having tech problems? Been BUSY much? LOL.
Let's see.
FenCon was fun. The signing with all the other authors was fun. Day job has been HUGELY busy.
My phone is being a PITA. Small appliances are being a PITA. My computer is being a PITA. Do we see a trend here? Mainly it is because of something y'all are NOT going to believe, but it is true. So at the risk of sounding nutso, I'll tell you:
ONCE UPON A TIME I was a 14 year old kid. (It's been a while, but I really was a kid once, LOL). I was hormonal and moody (typically) and mad at my parents a lot (gee, really?) and one day I went for a walk. This huge storm came up. I hid out in the door to an apartment building and watched the lightning, etc. until it was pretty much past. Then I decided to walk across the parking lot to the church across the street to call my folks and tell them I was okay. (The storm really had been that bad!) Got halfway across the empty parking lot and BAM. It felt like I'd been hit on the head with a tree limb. I even looked around to see what hit me. Well, what hit me was a bolt of lightning! Had a headache for 3 weeks. And now I have some residual electronic sensitivity that acts up particularly badly when I'm stressed. I am particularly bad with telephones/answering machines (before they were made redundant by voicemail), irons, printers and some of the game systems, but anything electric is fair game. Oh, and I can't wear a watch. From what I gather, this is not completely uncommon in people hit by lightning. It is, however, a nuisance.
Um, I'm behind on everything because of it. Still writing, but the tech guy REALLY needs to work on the computer. The website redesign has been postponed to the point where my very patient but reaching the end of her rope partner is suggesting we hire it out. BUT I SHALL PERSEVERE the book will get written. The computer will get fixed. LIFE WILL GO ON!
RAWR!!!
Later kiddos.
Cie
Let's see.
FenCon was fun. The signing with all the other authors was fun. Day job has been HUGELY busy.
My phone is being a PITA. Small appliances are being a PITA. My computer is being a PITA. Do we see a trend here? Mainly it is because of something y'all are NOT going to believe, but it is true. So at the risk of sounding nutso, I'll tell you:
ONCE UPON A TIME I was a 14 year old kid. (It's been a while, but I really was a kid once, LOL). I was hormonal and moody (typically) and mad at my parents a lot (gee, really?) and one day I went for a walk. This huge storm came up. I hid out in the door to an apartment building and watched the lightning, etc. until it was pretty much past. Then I decided to walk across the parking lot to the church across the street to call my folks and tell them I was okay. (The storm really had been that bad!) Got halfway across the empty parking lot and BAM. It felt like I'd been hit on the head with a tree limb. I even looked around to see what hit me. Well, what hit me was a bolt of lightning! Had a headache for 3 weeks. And now I have some residual electronic sensitivity that acts up particularly badly when I'm stressed. I am particularly bad with telephones/answering machines (before they were made redundant by voicemail), irons, printers and some of the game systems, but anything electric is fair game. Oh, and I can't wear a watch. From what I gather, this is not completely uncommon in people hit by lightning. It is, however, a nuisance.
Um, I'm behind on everything because of it. Still writing, but the tech guy REALLY needs to work on the computer. The website redesign has been postponed to the point where my very patient but reaching the end of her rope partner is suggesting we hire it out. BUT I SHALL PERSEVERE the book will get written. The computer will get fixed. LIFE WILL GO ON!
RAWR!!!
Later kiddos.
Cie
Monday, September 03, 2007
Open Mouth, Insert Foot, Chew Vigorously
OY! Cie here.
Okay folks, I am who I am, what I am, and the product of my background.
In addition, I occasionally have all the social skills of a rabid skunk.
That said, I do get to have opinions. Sometimes even unpopular opinions. In fact FREQUENTLY I have unpopular opinions. But that doesn't mean there is malice aforethought. It doesn't mean people don't get to disagree.
I am a middle-aged, white (almost to the point of glowing in the dark) American of mixed ancestry on one side and Irish heritage on the other. I was originally from a small town in the middle of farm country. The town was (and is) VERY conservative. I, generally speaking, am not. (Which is a whole 'nother set of issues for another day and another post.)
ANYWAY, I was on another author's forum, and they were talking about one thing and the thread went in another direction, to "Why aren't there more black/African/African-American vampires?" And I posted the following:
I'm sorry, but I just don't see it as prejudice that there aren't more black vampires. It's just a tenet of the world. And truthfully, I think ANY author would get so much stress in our current socio-political client if they wrote a black main vampiric character. There are authors who've done it (Cathy and I included), but it's a real risk. No matter what is done, it's "wrong" to somebody. If the character wasn't flawed they're unbelievable. If they are, the author has to be desperately careful HOW they're flawed or they will catch he**. In this series it would be the same thing as happens with the rest of the characters only so much worse, because there would be inevitable accusations about prejudice. When I think how violently people react to Richard and Nathaniel and multiply that, it makes me absolutely shudder. Maybe I'm being chickensh** and unfair, but that's how I feel. In the USA at this time race is still a hot button.
And immediately people took this to be prejudice on my part. Um, WHA? That is SOOOOO not what I meant. Hell we DO have a black vampire -- Carlton in the Thrall series is black. But that's not the point. The point is that there are people who will attack viciously enough and assume the worst enough that I, for one, was given pause and had to really THINK about writing that character. There ARE cultural differences. I've run afoul of them more than once in real life. Hell, I'm running afoul of cultural differences that are not based on race every day having moved to Texas from "up north." Acknowledging that it could cause a problem doesn't strike me as being prejudiced.
BUT people took it wrong. Someone basically snapped that an author wouldn't have to study a "culture" that blacks and whites are no different. So I added the following post after.
Absolutely. But that doesn't mean that people won't argue about it. In fact, there are people who are always determined to argue about everything. We all bleed red. In the end people are people. But culture differences do exist and viva la difference. Because if everybody was the same life would be deadly deadly dull and there'd be nothing to read about.
So, I guess what I'm asking is, was I offensive? I really didn't mean to be. Truly. But I suspect anything further I say or do will only make things worse.
UGH
Cie
Okay folks, I am who I am, what I am, and the product of my background.
In addition, I occasionally have all the social skills of a rabid skunk.
That said, I do get to have opinions. Sometimes even unpopular opinions. In fact FREQUENTLY I have unpopular opinions. But that doesn't mean there is malice aforethought. It doesn't mean people don't get to disagree.
I am a middle-aged, white (almost to the point of glowing in the dark) American of mixed ancestry on one side and Irish heritage on the other. I was originally from a small town in the middle of farm country. The town was (and is) VERY conservative. I, generally speaking, am not. (Which is a whole 'nother set of issues for another day and another post.)
ANYWAY, I was on another author's forum, and they were talking about one thing and the thread went in another direction, to "Why aren't there more black/African/African-American vampires?" And I posted the following:
I'm sorry, but I just don't see it as prejudice that there aren't more black vampires. It's just a tenet of the world. And truthfully, I think ANY author would get so much stress in our current socio-political client if they wrote a black main vampiric character. There are authors who've done it (Cathy and I included), but it's a real risk. No matter what is done, it's "wrong" to somebody. If the character wasn't flawed they're unbelievable. If they are, the author has to be desperately careful HOW they're flawed or they will catch he**. In this series it would be the same thing as happens with the rest of the characters only so much worse, because there would be inevitable accusations about prejudice. When I think how violently people react to Richard and Nathaniel and multiply that, it makes me absolutely shudder. Maybe I'm being chickensh** and unfair, but that's how I feel. In the USA at this time race is still a hot button.
And immediately people took this to be prejudice on my part. Um, WHA? That is SOOOOO not what I meant. Hell we DO have a black vampire -- Carlton in the Thrall series is black. But that's not the point. The point is that there are people who will attack viciously enough and assume the worst enough that I, for one, was given pause and had to really THINK about writing that character. There ARE cultural differences. I've run afoul of them more than once in real life. Hell, I'm running afoul of cultural differences that are not based on race every day having moved to Texas from "up north." Acknowledging that it could cause a problem doesn't strike me as being prejudiced.
BUT people took it wrong. Someone basically snapped that an author wouldn't have to study a "culture" that blacks and whites are no different. So I added the following post after.
Absolutely. But that doesn't mean that people won't argue about it. In fact, there are people who are always determined to argue about everything. We all bleed red. In the end people are people. But culture differences do exist and viva la difference. Because if everybody was the same life would be deadly deadly dull and there'd be nothing to read about.
So, I guess what I'm asking is, was I offensive? I really didn't mean to be. Truly. But I suspect anything further I say or do will only make things worse.
UGH
Cie
Saturday, September 01, 2007
The Muse is a Fickle Wench
My muse is a fickle wench. I say this because, I will be cruising along, writing well, and suddenly POOF. Nada. Nothing. We come to a screeching halt for no reason that makes sense to me at all. And in the background, another story altogether jumps up and begs for attention.
Um, uh, love ya, but NO. I've got this DEADLINE, and um. . .
But nope. Not one idea or word will come on the story I SHOULD be writing, and the other one just starts to blossom.
Now part of this is just a siren song of distraction. Am I really dedicated to the work enough to finish?
But part of this USUALLY is that I've gone astray somewhere in the pages just before the stop. If I take a day or two, explore other things and come back I can usually see what the problem was, fix it, and move on. USUALLY. Sometimes, though, I just have to walk away for a while -- IF I'm not on a deadline.
In the time since I finished up Touch of Darkness the Muse has been particularly flighty, sending me from one project to another. Maybe it's because I'm actually CAUGHT UP and can do what I want right now. THAT won't last however, and I DO want to finish SOMETHING.
So wish me luck. Let's hope she settles down soon.
Cie
Um, uh, love ya, but NO. I've got this DEADLINE, and um. . .
But nope. Not one idea or word will come on the story I SHOULD be writing, and the other one just starts to blossom.
Now part of this is just a siren song of distraction. Am I really dedicated to the work enough to finish?
But part of this USUALLY is that I've gone astray somewhere in the pages just before the stop. If I take a day or two, explore other things and come back I can usually see what the problem was, fix it, and move on. USUALLY. Sometimes, though, I just have to walk away for a while -- IF I'm not on a deadline.
In the time since I finished up Touch of Darkness the Muse has been particularly flighty, sending me from one project to another. Maybe it's because I'm actually CAUGHT UP and can do what I want right now. THAT won't last however, and I DO want to finish SOMETHING.
So wish me luck. Let's hope she settles down soon.
Cie
Tuesday, August 28, 2007
Writing is Thirsty Work Sometimes
Greetings and Salivations. (Yes, I really do mean drool.)
I'm feeling somewhat silly and spacey. I got the galleys in. (WHOO HOOO!!!!) On time. Found a couple of funny boo-boos and a couple of not-so-funny ones. One of my favorites, instead of Samuel Adams DARK beer it was Samuel Adams DANK. I suppose it would be the perfect beer for a Goth to drink in a cave or dungeon. In another one a sentence got turned around so that instead of the sweat from his mug falling on the bar, he did. (That Sam Adams Dank is one TOUGH beer. Not for wusses!)
ANYWAY, I need to focus on writing, and on doing the website (the goal is to have it revamped by the end of September.) And the promo items, etc. Instead, I'm all over the place. I burnt myself out badly doing Touch of Darkness for one thing. For another, the health has been wonky. I'm having symptoms I haven't had to deal with in years. BLECK.
Hopefully my head will clear soon.
In the meantime. Drink up. [Grin]
I'm feeling somewhat silly and spacey. I got the galleys in. (WHOO HOOO!!!!) On time. Found a couple of funny boo-boos and a couple of not-so-funny ones. One of my favorites, instead of Samuel Adams DARK beer it was Samuel Adams DANK. I suppose it would be the perfect beer for a Goth to drink in a cave or dungeon. In another one a sentence got turned around so that instead of the sweat from his mug falling on the bar, he did. (That Sam Adams Dank is one TOUGH beer. Not for wusses!)
ANYWAY, I need to focus on writing, and on doing the website (the goal is to have it revamped by the end of September.) And the promo items, etc. Instead, I'm all over the place. I burnt myself out badly doing Touch of Darkness for one thing. For another, the health has been wonky. I'm having symptoms I haven't had to deal with in years. BLECK.
Hopefully my head will clear soon.
In the meantime. Drink up. [Grin]
Sunday, August 26, 2007
Grumpy, Complaining type stuff you may want to skip.
Blah, blah, blah.
Hi. I have a bad case of the—you guessed it—blahs. Nothing is really wrong. It’s just I’ve been stuck doing STUFF this weekend. You know what I mean. STUFF like, ooooh baby, working on getting all the viruses off of a laptop because they hadn’t updated or used their Norton for two years, and galleys, and cleaning house, and laundry, and repairing a hole in the wall, unplugging a stopped drain. . . STUFF. None of it is bad. All of it is useful and necessary. But it doesn’t really provide inspiration for my weekend. And it doesn’t make for an exciting blog entry.
Also, Lucky the Wonder Dog is being a POOP today. I love the dog. But she is a BIG dog with a LOT of energy. And if I miss walking her either morning or night I pay for it because she’s just that restless. Unfortunately, I’m not as young as I used to be AND it’s been @#$&* hot. (Okay, maybe everybody else doesn’t think it’s THAT hot, for summer, in Texas. But I do. So sue me. GRUMP GRUMP GRUMP.) So anyway, I missed the morning walk. And she’s being a POOP. But now she’s being a poop in the back yard for a while. And I am going to write to improve my mood.
Rather than bore you all more, I will try to cheer myself up.
Later.
Cie
Hi. I have a bad case of the—you guessed it—blahs. Nothing is really wrong. It’s just I’ve been stuck doing STUFF this weekend. You know what I mean. STUFF like, ooooh baby, working on getting all the viruses off of a laptop because they hadn’t updated or used their Norton for two years, and galleys, and cleaning house, and laundry, and repairing a hole in the wall, unplugging a stopped drain. . . STUFF. None of it is bad. All of it is useful and necessary. But it doesn’t really provide inspiration for my weekend. And it doesn’t make for an exciting blog entry.
Also, Lucky the Wonder Dog is being a POOP today. I love the dog. But she is a BIG dog with a LOT of energy. And if I miss walking her either morning or night I pay for it because she’s just that restless. Unfortunately, I’m not as young as I used to be AND it’s been @#$&* hot. (Okay, maybe everybody else doesn’t think it’s THAT hot, for summer, in Texas. But I do. So sue me. GRUMP GRUMP GRUMP.) So anyway, I missed the morning walk. And she’s being a POOP. But now she’s being a poop in the back yard for a while. And I am going to write to improve my mood.
Rather than bore you all more, I will try to cheer myself up.
Later.
Cie
Thursday, August 23, 2007
Odd
OK, it's early morning and I'm feeling. . . odd. I had a very important nightmare last night.
Important?
Yeah, important. You see, nightmares for me generally pretty directly address my life and my future with just terrible wicked symbolism. Also, from Biblical times and beyond nightmares and dreams have been among the way God nudges his people. So I take some of them pretty serious. Not all. But you can usually tell the ones that are just indigestion from the ones that have meaning in real life (if you can just unravel the symbolism).
I realize that probably makes me sound like a lunatic. But there you go.
SO, I'm trying to unravel the symbolism and NOT forget the details this morning. Thus far, I'm making slow progress on it. I do know that some of what I've uncovered isn't exactly flattering. It shows my faults in all their hideous glory. Oooh baby. Just what I wanted to look at. (NOT. But then again, I probably should. I am TRYING to fix the suckers.)
Maybe I'll go look on a dream site and see if any of the symbolism they talk about helps.
Later.
Important?
Yeah, important. You see, nightmares for me generally pretty directly address my life and my future with just terrible wicked symbolism. Also, from Biblical times and beyond nightmares and dreams have been among the way God nudges his people. So I take some of them pretty serious. Not all. But you can usually tell the ones that are just indigestion from the ones that have meaning in real life (if you can just unravel the symbolism).
I realize that probably makes me sound like a lunatic. But there you go.
SO, I'm trying to unravel the symbolism and NOT forget the details this morning. Thus far, I'm making slow progress on it. I do know that some of what I've uncovered isn't exactly flattering. It shows my faults in all their hideous glory. Oooh baby. Just what I wanted to look at. (NOT. But then again, I probably should. I am TRYING to fix the suckers.)
Maybe I'll go look on a dream site and see if any of the symbolism they talk about helps.
Later.
Monday, August 20, 2007
Clearing Some Confusion
OK, I re-read yesterday's post and would like to clarify something. Heather Osborn ROCKS. She is the editor that replaced Anna Genoese at Tor. We are looking forward to working with her. BUT based on logistics (she's new, she hasn't had a chance to read our entire backlist what with getting broken in and all) we are having Anna freelance edit the Sazi and Thrall books while Heather will be doing the stand alone and future stuff. (Assuming, of course, they WANT future stuff. I mean, Lord knows we HOPE so. . .) ANYWAY, no slight was meant to her. Heather is our esteemed editor as well. We work fast enough that there is plenty to go around.
NEXT -- we discovered that someone had pirated our stuff and posted it whole on a website. (SHAME on you!) Now folks, I know that books aren't cheap -- especially if you're a reading junkie like yours truly who goes through a lot of them. But PLEASE, that's what the library is for. That's what borrowing from your buddy with a promise that you REALLY REALLY REALLY will give it back undamaged is for. Or, if you're a little more flush, what used bookstores are for. Pirating is not only illegal, it's mean to your favorite authors. It steals the profit right out from under the book. This means that not only do we not get paid (bad enough) but that there is no sales record with the publisher, which lowers the books profit which may impact whether and how much they're willing to risk another book by that author. Please please PRETTY PLEASE don't participate in this.
At least we were in good company. Really, the biggest names in the business were up there. I suppose I'm flattered.
NEXT -- we discovered that someone had pirated our stuff and posted it whole on a website. (SHAME on you!) Now folks, I know that books aren't cheap -- especially if you're a reading junkie like yours truly who goes through a lot of them. But PLEASE, that's what the library is for. That's what borrowing from your buddy with a promise that you REALLY REALLY REALLY will give it back undamaged is for. Or, if you're a little more flush, what used bookstores are for. Pirating is not only illegal, it's mean to your favorite authors. It steals the profit right out from under the book. This means that not only do we not get paid (bad enough) but that there is no sales record with the publisher, which lowers the books profit which may impact whether and how much they're willing to risk another book by that author. Please please PRETTY PLEASE don't participate in this.
At least we were in good company. Really, the biggest names in the business were up there. I suppose I'm flattered.
Sunday, August 19, 2007
Newslettery Post/Simultaneous With Myspace
Hi guys! I am writing this bulletin because. . . well. . . because.
The draft of Touch of Darkness, the final book in the Kate Reilly/Thrall series is in the hands of our esteemed editor, Anna Genoese. We made it in ON DEADLINE. (WOOT!)
Cathy is working on the first draft of a stand-alone novel which is the next book due under our contract. It has a seriously cool premise and everyone we've talked to about it has been very excited to see what we can do with it. (And no, I'm not giving any hints yet. LOL)
The galleys are here on Timeless Moon. (This is the Sazi book with Aspen Monier as the lead female character). So that's first up on the plate for yours truly.
We are also working on completely revamping our website. At this point we're getting permissions for some of the content we want to include (like photos, banner, and so forth) and are brushing up on our web building skills. (That have grown a little rusty with disuse). But since Cathy and I are both very "hands on" types, we're actually kind of excited about having the chance to create it exactly (we hope) the way we have in mind. Wish us luck in pulling it off. When the time comes (which won't be for about a month I think) I'll send around notice and ask y'all to take a look and give me some feedback as to what does and (le sigh) doesn't work.
We're also looking at some promo items, but that's still in process as we wait for permission on some of the artwork we want to use.
FINALLY, Upcoming events:Cathy and I will both be going to FenCon September 21-23, 2007. For information on the con go to www.fencon.org.AND we will be part of a multi-author book signing on Saturday, October 20, 2007 from 11-2 or 3 at the Hastings in Stephensville, Texas. I'll send out more details when we get closer to the date. In the meantime, anyone who wants autographed copy of books by Cathy and I can call and order them from the Waldenbooks in the Sunset Mall in San Angelo, Texas. We periodically go in and sign their stock. The phone number is 325-949-7040.
Well, that's it for now. Hope you all are well and happy. Keep reading.
Cie
The draft of Touch of Darkness, the final book in the Kate Reilly/Thrall series is in the hands of our esteemed editor, Anna Genoese. We made it in ON DEADLINE. (WOOT!)
Cathy is working on the first draft of a stand-alone novel which is the next book due under our contract. It has a seriously cool premise and everyone we've talked to about it has been very excited to see what we can do with it. (And no, I'm not giving any hints yet. LOL)
The galleys are here on Timeless Moon. (This is the Sazi book with Aspen Monier as the lead female character). So that's first up on the plate for yours truly.
We are also working on completely revamping our website. At this point we're getting permissions for some of the content we want to include (like photos, banner, and so forth) and are brushing up on our web building skills. (That have grown a little rusty with disuse). But since Cathy and I are both very "hands on" types, we're actually kind of excited about having the chance to create it exactly (we hope) the way we have in mind. Wish us luck in pulling it off. When the time comes (which won't be for about a month I think) I'll send around notice and ask y'all to take a look and give me some feedback as to what does and (le sigh) doesn't work.
We're also looking at some promo items, but that's still in process as we wait for permission on some of the artwork we want to use.
FINALLY, Upcoming events:Cathy and I will both be going to FenCon September 21-23, 2007. For information on the con go to www.fencon.org.AND we will be part of a multi-author book signing on Saturday, October 20, 2007 from 11-2 or 3 at the Hastings in Stephensville, Texas. I'll send out more details when we get closer to the date. In the meantime, anyone who wants autographed copy of books by Cathy and I can call and order them from the Waldenbooks in the Sunset Mall in San Angelo, Texas. We periodically go in and sign their stock. The phone number is 325-949-7040.
Well, that's it for now. Hope you all are well and happy. Keep reading.
Cie
Wednesday, August 15, 2007
I SLEPT
At last, long last, I slept most of last night. Oh, I got up once in the middle of the night, but that's IT. Otherwise I actually got REST. No night terrors, no tossing and turning. Halle FREAKING Lujah.
Can you tell I was getting tired OF it as well as tired FROM it?
Writing is going reasonably well. Since I'm not the one on deadline right now I'm doing things like working on an updated website, advertising and promo items, cleaning the house, AND writing. But that's okay. It all needs to be done.
And right now what needs to be done is getting ready for work and walking the pup.
See you later.
Cie
Can you tell I was getting tired OF it as well as tired FROM it?
Writing is going reasonably well. Since I'm not the one on deadline right now I'm doing things like working on an updated website, advertising and promo items, cleaning the house, AND writing. But that's okay. It all needs to be done.
And right now what needs to be done is getting ready for work and walking the pup.
See you later.
Cie
Saturday, August 11, 2007
UGH
Remind me not to send e-mails when I wake up at 3:00-3:30 in the morning.
I am not tactful at the best of times.
When I'm suffering from insomnia is SOOOOOO not the best of times.
OY.
The thing is, I didn't mean to sound cranky. I didn't mean to sound possessive. I honestly don't care so long as the name changes.
I'll need to apologize. Again. Because I was a jerk. Again, again.
I do wish I was sleeping better. Just not. I've gone back to doing what the people at the sleep disorder center were telling me more faithfully. Thus far it doesn't seem to be helping much. At least it's just the insomnia instead of night terrors and sleepwalking.
I hate night terrors. REALLY hate em. However, I have to admit they are VERY useful for when you're writing horror. Because boy oh boy can you get that ole creepy vibe going after a few mights of coming half-awake to blood-curdling fear. You betcha.
Tonight I should sleep well though. I've been working my body VERY, very hard all day so that I will basically collapse when the time comes and hopefully sleep. Because on the days after a sleepless night I have significantly more pain than usual. I don't like pain. I also don't like taking things for the pain, even over-the-counter stuff isn't good for you if you do it too often. So, I try not to.
ANYWAY, I'm going to head out now and draft my apology. Ugh.
I am not tactful at the best of times.
When I'm suffering from insomnia is SOOOOOO not the best of times.
OY.
The thing is, I didn't mean to sound cranky. I didn't mean to sound possessive. I honestly don't care so long as the name changes.
I'll need to apologize. Again. Because I was a jerk. Again, again.
I do wish I was sleeping better. Just not. I've gone back to doing what the people at the sleep disorder center were telling me more faithfully. Thus far it doesn't seem to be helping much. At least it's just the insomnia instead of night terrors and sleepwalking.
I hate night terrors. REALLY hate em. However, I have to admit they are VERY useful for when you're writing horror. Because boy oh boy can you get that ole creepy vibe going after a few mights of coming half-awake to blood-curdling fear. You betcha.
Tonight I should sleep well though. I've been working my body VERY, very hard all day so that I will basically collapse when the time comes and hopefully sleep. Because on the days after a sleepless night I have significantly more pain than usual. I don't like pain. I also don't like taking things for the pain, even over-the-counter stuff isn't good for you if you do it too often. So, I try not to.
ANYWAY, I'm going to head out now and draft my apology. Ugh.
Tuesday, July 31, 2007
DING DONG THE DRAFT IS DONE. . .
Ding, dong, the draft is done. The draft is done. The draft is done. Ding, dong, the dreaded draft is done.
That's right friends and neighbors. I got through it. I sent it. It is in Cathy's hands awaiting changes.
During the last pass I caught one big boo-boo. On one page Kate is ahem, exhausted and weak-kneed from having too good of a time, so that she sends Tom into the shower first. Two pages later she's fully-showered, dressed and wanting him to hurry up with his shower.
Little things like that usually happen when you're working on a book in too small of chunks of time, too far apart. You can re-read up to a point, BUT if you don't have much time, you only go back a page or so to get the flavor, and you wind up having missed something. Frustrating. But there you go. At least we caught it.
But be kind to your authors---and not just us. I mean it. Despite the best efforts of the writer, the editors, the proofreaders, the galley folks, things slip through. They just do. ESPECIALLY if it's a really good story and you get caught up in it. You're reading, not proofing. You don't mean to, but you see what is supposed to be there, not what is. The only cure is to let the blasted thing sit for months and look at it with completely fresh eyes. Which would be lovely, but isn't possible when you're on a tight schedule.
I swear I don't know how other folks do it. I mean some of these people are MACHINES, pumping out almost a book a month CONSISTENTLY over the course of years. I can do a book in a month. Hell, I can do one in two weeks if I have to. But CONSISTENTLY? Without rest. And without losing quality? Um, no. Not so much.
ANYWAY, I have a challenge for you. I found a typo in the back end of Touch of Madness while I was looking up something to make sure I didn't contradict myself in Touch of Darkness. Somewhere toward the end there Bryan becomes (ever so briefly--as in I HOPE just once,) BRIAN. FIND THAT TYPO.
Who knows, if you do and quote the line and page # in the comments I may dig through the shelves of goodies and reward y'all with something small. IF you hurry. As in, contest ends at midnight on August 8, 2007 (which is the deadline for us to submit Touch of Darkness to the publisher, so I know I'll remember the date. :) )
Have fun folks.
That's right friends and neighbors. I got through it. I sent it. It is in Cathy's hands awaiting changes.
During the last pass I caught one big boo-boo. On one page Kate is ahem, exhausted and weak-kneed from having too good of a time, so that she sends Tom into the shower first. Two pages later she's fully-showered, dressed and wanting him to hurry up with his shower.
Little things like that usually happen when you're working on a book in too small of chunks of time, too far apart. You can re-read up to a point, BUT if you don't have much time, you only go back a page or so to get the flavor, and you wind up having missed something. Frustrating. But there you go. At least we caught it.
But be kind to your authors---and not just us. I mean it. Despite the best efforts of the writer, the editors, the proofreaders, the galley folks, things slip through. They just do. ESPECIALLY if it's a really good story and you get caught up in it. You're reading, not proofing. You don't mean to, but you see what is supposed to be there, not what is. The only cure is to let the blasted thing sit for months and look at it with completely fresh eyes. Which would be lovely, but isn't possible when you're on a tight schedule.
I swear I don't know how other folks do it. I mean some of these people are MACHINES, pumping out almost a book a month CONSISTENTLY over the course of years. I can do a book in a month. Hell, I can do one in two weeks if I have to. But CONSISTENTLY? Without rest. And without losing quality? Um, no. Not so much.
ANYWAY, I have a challenge for you. I found a typo in the back end of Touch of Madness while I was looking up something to make sure I didn't contradict myself in Touch of Darkness. Somewhere toward the end there Bryan becomes (ever so briefly--as in I HOPE just once,) BRIAN. FIND THAT TYPO.
Who knows, if you do and quote the line and page # in the comments I may dig through the shelves of goodies and reward y'all with something small. IF you hurry. As in, contest ends at midnight on August 8, 2007 (which is the deadline for us to submit Touch of Darkness to the publisher, so I know I'll remember the date. :) )
Have fun folks.
Saturday, July 28, 2007
Editing
Editing Mode:
I am editing Touch of Darkness (the Finale in the Kate Reilly/Thrall series) prior to sending it to Cathy. Editing my own stuff is best performed when I am in a really bad mood. Editing Cathy’s stuff is better when I’m not quite as angry much more logical. When I’m feeling mean and brutal I can be too hard on anybody else, but it’s the only time I don’t like my own writing at all and can make really harsh changes that may be needed. Now there are times that I hate my writing and wonder if I’m any good and get all depressed, but that is SOOOOOO not editing time either. Because THEN I would just give up and delete the WHOLE FLIPPING STORY. No, on depressed days we back very carefully away from the keyboard.
Today I’m not in as brutal a mood as I could be, but I’m okay, and I’m on deadline, so I can’t wait anyway.
Gotta go.
Cie
I am editing Touch of Darkness (the Finale in the Kate Reilly/Thrall series) prior to sending it to Cathy. Editing my own stuff is best performed when I am in a really bad mood. Editing Cathy’s stuff is better when I’m not quite as angry much more logical. When I’m feeling mean and brutal I can be too hard on anybody else, but it’s the only time I don’t like my own writing at all and can make really harsh changes that may be needed. Now there are times that I hate my writing and wonder if I’m any good and get all depressed, but that is SOOOOOO not editing time either. Because THEN I would just give up and delete the WHOLE FLIPPING STORY. No, on depressed days we back very carefully away from the keyboard.
Today I’m not in as brutal a mood as I could be, but I’m okay, and I’m on deadline, so I can’t wait anyway.
Gotta go.
Cie
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