OKAY

Okay, it seems some of you are just dying to hear about how I humiliated myself. SO, without further ado . . .

Previous entry in the OHMIGAWD you DIDN'T contest (the one I believed would never be topped.)

First day of a new job (long time ago in a city far, far, away). I had the stomach crud. But if you don't show up for the first day of work you don't GET a second day. So I went. The bathroom was on the far end of a loooooooooooong hall away from the office. I get one of those huge stomach cramps and take off at a dead run. As I am approaching the outer door I'm unfastening my belt. As I dive through the outer reception area I am unfastening my trousers. I swing into the first open stall dropping trou as I go and hear an EAR SPLITTING SCREAM.

Grabbing the partition I swing myself into stall two as my gut lets go.

Yes Gracie. I really DID moon my brand new boss on the first day of work. She was claustrophobic and didn't ever lock the stall so everyone just knew stall 1 was hers.


AND FOR THE NEWEST ENTRY --

I am in a ball gown and tiara, on stage in front of - oh, I dunno maybe a thousand or so people. The lights dim, the dinner is being served. I scoot my chair back a smidge away from the table and . . .

The back legs go off of the stage.

I have this moment of "OH shit" when I know I'm in trouble. I lean toward the stage to try to compensate. Won't work. SO, I fall. FORTUNATELY I used to be a skater. When you skate at high speed you learn how to take a fall. (on the meaty part of your hips/ass and shoulder, roll with it to ease the momentum). You also learn to get up quickly (so that the folks behind you don't (a) crash into you; or (b) run over you.) So I do this spectacular fall, and roll, and rise to my feet with my ball gown twisted around me, my tiara down over one eye, my shoes having flown beneath the stage and the metal brace for my finger 6 feet across the room.

Yup. That's me. Biggest formal event of my flippin LIFE thus far, and I put on a show.

SIGH.

Fortunately I only got a couple of spectacular bruises from it. But my pride suffered a serious blow.