Monday, October 31, 2005


You're Seth Gecko, you bastard.
Fun at the Titty Twister.

Which B-Movie Badass Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

OK I took the quiz. This is my "B Movie Badass." Now somebody tell me the movie so I can rent it! :)

Didn't write over the weekend. Took Saturday off and wound up sick Saturday night and most of Sunday. Just a little virus, but what a pain in the neck.

SOOOOOO close to the end. I know I'm ready for the book to be finished. Last night I dreamed a frustration dream about it NEVER ending. But tonight my son has to work, so I have hours and hours to get it done. Just hope I can manage it.

Closing got postponed until today. Piano got delivered yesterday. Life is good, but I still am tired.



Thursday, October 27, 2005

Hi Guys

Faerie of Compassion-- You are the Faerie of compassion! You are loving, generous, honest, and helpful. You live your life for the sole purpose of helping others. When another person is unhappy you feel deeply for them and try to make them happier. Your soul is pure and without corruption from sins like greed and pride.

OK, I took the test linked to on Yo's Blog and that's what I got. Some of it seems a little too-goody-two-shoes, but some seems right on the money.

I'm doing a little better today. I got some writing done before work. Merged two big scenes together because the middle was dragging. I think this works better. We'll have to see.

I'm excited (and scared) about the house, I close tomorrow. I'm excited about the trip to DC for the interview (and nervous). I competed in public speaking in the way back dark ages, so I think I should be Okay, but I have to admit, I'm nervous. Besides, I hate my recorded voice. I sound like I'm about eight. Sigh.

Piano gets delivered this weekend. I don't know if I told everybody about it -- I thought I had told people, but maybe not. I haven't been talking much. Part of that is withdrawal because I've been feeling under a lot of pressure. But the piano, while not a particularly practical purchase, wasn't all that expensive. And I needed something for "me." I noticed that I was losing myself to all the roles in my life, and that the writing that used to be just for enjoyment is now my career and needs to be taken very seriously and treated respectfully. It's good. I love it. But you can't have everything in your life be work related. Some things need to just be for fun. Otherwise you get depressed and... well... cranky. (Sound familiar? Not that I've been EITHER of the above. Oh no, not me. That... that was my evil twin sister! Yeah, right! LOL).

Got a nice recliner. It's not exactly what I want so it doesn't "count." But it's a nice thing nonetheless. What I mean is, I have as a goal buying the perfect Lazy-Boy brand recliner. I know exactly the one I want. I've wanted it for years. But that puppy isn't cheap and I've been waiting until I got my life on track before I bought it. I'm still waiting, but I ran across this incredible deal on a nice reclining chair in the meantime, so I picked it up. But it's not what I want, so the goal still exists. I'm stubborn that way.

One day at a time. I have to have faith. Things will work out. It just takes time. Generally, I've noticed that it takes just about as much time to unscrew things as it did to screw them up in the first place. If so, I have a LONG road ahead of me.

Have a great day.


Tuesday, October 25, 2005

Short And Not Particularly Sweet

Hi Guys!

Things are mostly good here. Getting ready to actually buy the house! (WHOO HOO). I'll believe it's real when the paperwork is signed and I actually make the first payment.

Good pre-orders on Touch of Evil. It's looking very good. Makes me happy. There are some weirdnesses and questions as to dates, (different sellers show different ship dates listed.) We're checking into it.

My mother asked me an interesting question this morning. She asked why I never talk about my "real" job. I used to, when I worked at the University. There were lots of interesting people, and things going on, etc. And it occurred to me, when she asked, that while I like my new boss well enough, the job is just a job. I have friends who LOVE working in law. It's truly a calling for them. I don't. Never did. I'm good at it, it pays better than most of the other stuff (but not than the writing -- which is where I'm headed), but there is no joy in it for me. I do what I need to do, to the best of my ability, and that's it. I don't hate it. I don't love it. I just do it. (The Nike career philosophy.)

I'm slowly making friends in the new town, but the old friends from Denver were people I actually "fit" with. I keep in touch with most of them by e-mail. I don't fit here nearly as well. It takes time, and I know it. Over the course of the past year I've met a number of people who are developing into friends. But it's a slow process.

Depressing thoughts. I don't intend to be depressed though. I'm getting my house. My health is better. The books are going great guns. I just need to keep moving forward. Things work out given time and hard work.

Gotta run. Sorry I seem bummed today. I'll work on it.

Friday, October 21, 2005

I think I may be boring.

I think, perhaps, I may be boring.

Other people put snazzy pictures and such in their blogs (or really bad poetry and fan fic). I orate.

I live in a town where there is TRULY almost nothing to do. But even if there was, when would I do it? I work full time in law. (SNORE) I write as close to full time as I can on the novels and short stories (WHOO HOO -- SOOOOOOOOO not snore), I have a son, a house, pets, family obligations... and some ongoing health problems that make me not have as much energy to do other things as I'd like.

I have hobbies, but I couldn't tell you the last time I actually DID any of them.

I do have a warped sense of humor that comes in very handy. (See my post a la Lucy Ricardo), but a quick review of my life indicates that I am quite possibly dull.

But you know what -- I'm not sure I'm sorry. I look at all of the ANGST that was my life in my 20s, and all of these folks that are constantly in an uproar and it's just... exhausting. Maybe a little boring isn't so bad. Or, at least that's what I'm going to tell myself. Rationalization at its finest.

Thursday, October 20, 2005

And the Beat Goes On

HI all! Working hard. Cathy came up with a brilliant idea that helped amazingly with the mystery short story for the next anthology. I will (WHOO HOOO) get it sent off later today in all likelihood.

I'm about to state an opinion here. I love writing mysteries. Really do. I like the anthologies we've been in and think they're great. But I have a problem.

(Print on Demand)

OK, for those of you not in the business. This is the "new thing" in publishing. It has promise in some ways. Using computer technology, they only print the books when they're ordered, no warehousing, no shipping, no waste.


The distributors don't carry them for the bookstores. Some/Most DO NOT ACCEPT RETURNS which means the bookstores won't carry the books because they'd be risking their shirts. AND YOU CAN'T GET THE BLASTED BOOK unless you order from either Amazon (sometimes) OR DIRECT FROM THE PUBLISHER.

Now books are an impulse purchase. People see it go "oooh" and pick it up. Then they say "hmnn, looks good" and buy. IF they don't see it. They won't buy it. No matter how good it is. You can publicize the hell out of it, but if the public CAN'T GET THEIR HANDS ON IT there won't be sales.

This all may change someday. But this isn't someday. And it's frustrating to see a good book NOT getting bought and read. Heck, just as a test *I* called my bookseller and asked him if he could order me copies. Nope. Couldn't get them. So, I'm going to be writing directly to the publisher myself. But while I will go to the trouble. Most members of the public wont. Which is a serious bummer.

It may change one of these days. But I don't think it will be in time for my poor little mystery anthology. Which is a shame. Because "Secrets" is a damned fine book.

Saturday, October 15, 2005

Saturday Morning

HI Guys. Cie here.

It's Saturday morning. I'm hoping to get some things done this weekend, but I've been fighting off being sick all week (which is why I've been tired) so I may wind up not doing a blasted thing other than lay around. We'll just have to see.

But the goal today is to do and be me. I spend most of my life accommodating others. I work in a service industry, etc. The other day in dealing with somebody I discovered something alarming. I almost literally couldn't use the word "No." One syllable, two letters. Should be easy. I kept saying. "I don't think so." "That would be a bad idea." "I'd rather not." And the person just kept pushing. Finally they joked about how "Until you say no, it's still negotiable." So I said "No."

They weren't happy, but they also stared at me and said. "That was really hard for you wasn't it? Why? Why can't you just say no?" And I realized part of it was the time and place of my upbringing. Nice girls just weren't that aggressive. If we didn't want to do something we had to apologize and explain and avoid. What we wanted wasn't supposed to be as important as what the other person wanted, so standing up for it had to be done with the utmost delicacy.

Pardon me, but what a crock of shit. And I cannot tell you how hard it's made things. Because other people think "It can't be that important" or "She didn't say no" and just keep pushing, while all the while I feel like I'm being bullied unmercifully.

I'm definitely going to have to include this for a character somewhere sometime. I am also DEFINITELY going to have to work on it. But the habits of decades don't disappear overnight. So wish me luck.

Friday, October 14, 2005


OK feeling guilty for not having posted. Life has been BUSY. Good busy though. Writing is going steadily. It looks like I'll be able to buy my house (YEA!!!!!). Things like that.

Decided I needed a good break, so when I got "tagged" I filled out the following. Feel free to do the same. I'm dying to know more about you guys. ;)

1) My uncle: Which one? I have a bunch.

2) Never in my life: Have I danced with a lampshade on my head.

3) When I was five: I was hugely excited because I was learning to read.

4) High School was: Hell.

5) I will never forget: to be grateful for the terrific life I've got.

6) I once met: myself in a mirror in a store and said "excuse me" because I didn't recognize myself.

7) There’s this guy/girl I know who: Hmnn, can't think of anything exotic. Sorry.

8) Once, at a bar: I got one of those bend you over backwards so your hair hits the floor kind of kisses from the guy of my dreams. It was a GREAT birthday.

9) By noon I’m usually: Pooped.

10) Last night: I went home after work and crashed.

11) If I only had: Ten million dollars, a trip to the Bahamas and a good looking man to go with me.

12) Next time I go to church, I'll: pray hard.

13) Terry Schiavo: What a terribly sad situation. Horrific really. I feel so sorry for everyone involved.

14) What worries me most is: When my son is depressed or having a hard time. I never know what to say or do.

15)When I turn my head left I see: A poster regarding the Code of Professional Responsibility.

16) When I turn my head right, I see: The courthouse through my office window.

17) You know I’m lying when: You can just tell. I am SOOOO bad at it.

18) You know what I miss most about the eighties: Hair metal.

19) If I was a character written by Shakespeare: I'm not sure. Possibly Portia.

20) By this time next year: I hope to have hit the bestseller's list with one of our books and that my son will be in good shape.

21) A better name for me would be: The knickname I use.

22) I have a hard time understanding: People.

23) If I ever go back to school I’ll: be seriously shocked.

24) You know I like you if: You can tell. Honest. I'm not subtle.

25) If I won an award: it would be for writing.

26) Darwin? Mozart? Slim Pickens? Geraldine Ferraro? I'd have to go with Mozart because I think he is indicative of what children are capable of accomplishing.

27) Take my advice, never: underestimate the power of a woman with PMS.

28) My ideal breakfast is: really not on my diet.

29) A song I love, but do not have is: most of them.

30) If you visit my hometown: don't blink, you'll miss it.

31) Tulips? character flaws? microchips? track stars? Tulips, because with one kissing would be difficult.

32) Why doesn't everyone: take a day off and not worry about it.

33) If you spend the night at my house: I really hope you're a gorgeous, single, male who is seriously oversexed.

34) I’d stop my wedding for: I probably won't ever get married.

35) The world could do without: fanaticism.

36) I’d rather lick the belly of a cockroach than: see my son hurt in any way.

37) My favorite blonde is: Hmnnn, more of a brunette type myself. Maybe Viggo. From everything I've read he also SOUNDS like somebody I could talk to. He writes, acts, and (if I recall correctly) paints. Not that I'll ever get to meet him, but still...

38) PAPER CLIPS are more useful than: a lot of stuff I own.

39) If I do anything well, it's: because I work hard at it.

40) And by the way, you should: not take things so seriously.

Friday, October 07, 2005

Welcome to Another Weekend

Welcome to the weekend. Time flies when you're having a life. So many good things, and so many busy things. I'm happy mostly. (But still planning on buying that Lotto ticket -- I'll let you know how it goes ;) Oh and Jim, sorry that didn't work out for you.)

Read a really fun book last night. It's called "Sophie Metropolis" it was very good. A fun book. Not heavy, just light-hearted fun.

(OOPS, work calls. I'll stop back later if I can.)


Thursday, October 06, 2005

Just a Quick Check-In

Things are going well. I didn't sleep much last night, but other than that, very good things are happening and I am mostly happy. Probably the only things that would make me happier is a NYT bestseller or a WHOLE BUNCH (we're talking millions folks, I'm thinkin' big), like win the lotto kind of money. Since neither appear to be on the horizon for the next week (although I may buy a ticket), I will make do with what I've got and be grateful for it.

Saw a hysterical E-bay offering for men's leather pants. Made me laugh SOOOOO hard. Needed it too.

Well, gotta run. Life is calling. Be good. Be happy. Be careful.


Wednesday, October 05, 2005

Odd POV Post

I do not suffer from a normal point of view. I have my very own.

In art class, freshman year in high school I noticed something "weird" about my work. (Actually there were several things weird about my work, still are, but moving right along...) Everybody else showed the light on all of their pieces coming from one side (the right I believe) with the shadows on the left. Mine was the exact opposite. On every piece. Weird. Since we weren't doing still lives or anything -- just stuff we chose for ourselves, it didn't matter. But it was definitely "odd".

Now perhaps it was merely that the other art students (all 40 or so of them) were morning people who used easterly light when setting up their work as opposed to my formerly night-owl self. But I kind of doubt it.

I also look at things from a very different point of view most of the time. So, I'm wondering if perhaps I was hard-wired a little different. I'm not complaining. Just wondering. And, since there is no way to prove it one way or another, wasting a bit of time.

Recently I've run into several people who really truly believe that they are entitled to an "enriching and satisfying work life." "I don't want a JOB, I want a CAREER." Which, I suppose is utterly lovely. But to have a CAREER you have to (a) figure out what you want to do, (b) train for it and (c) get hired to do it. (Which takes a bit of time, money, focus and more than a bit of luck.)

My mother told me once, a very long time ago when I was complaining about work sucking (and believe me when I say that the following truly pissed me off) that "That's why they call it WORK and they pay you. Otherwise they'd call it PLAY and you'd be paying them."

But she's right.

Bad news flash. Most people do not love their work. They're ok with it, may be good at it, but they do not, for the most part, LOVE and get a lot of satisfaction from it. That doesn't mean it isn't worth doing. In fact, it probably makes it more worthwhile on a whole lot of karmic levels (and keeps the world running with garbage collection, commuter buses, plumbing, and may other things that I don't think the workers doing them love). The thing is WORK shouldn't be the center of the existence. It's PART of it, even a big chunk. But it is not, and should not be, the whole enchilada. (IMHO) Wanting to work at what you love is where the whole cliche about the starving artist came from. Much more practical is the blue collar schmo who supports the wife and kiddies, but plays lead guitar in his rock band on the weekends.

Perhaps I'm being unfair. I am, after all, writing -- which I love and get satisfaction from. I even hope to do it full time (someday, oh please someday soon). But at the same time I have spent the past 30 years working, generally at more than one job. Some I liked more, some less, but they did not define me, they were not giving me "an enriching and satisfying work life." They did give me the paycheck to pay the rent and feed the kidlet until he became an adult.

"Life is what happens while you're making other plans." (John Lennon I believe.)

I'm seeing so many people who are not enjoying their life because they keep trying to force it to be something it isn't. It makes me sad, and very frustrated.

SO, I would like to take this moment to thank the Yurgis of the world. The workers who do what they gotta do without a lot of complaining, getting by a day at a time, paycheck to paycheck. I lift my glass to the secretaries, bus drivers, plumbers, janitors, garbage men, police, bus drivers, cabbies... EVERYBODY who plods along doing what they gotta for their check and doing what they wanna on the side.