Sunday, September 25, 2016

The thing about characters is . . .

Okay, first off, on the 100 day thing.  I have no idea where I'm at.  But I've been making progress, and I am happier than I've been in a while overall.  Still ups and downs, but at least I don't feel as if I'm stuck any more.

NOW about the writing. . .

I've been doing it.  Eight pages a day average.  Four on each project.  Both are going well.  Both now require a bit of research, which I am about to do.

The thing is, I had to write this HUGE disclaimer at the front of the cozy mystery.  It is set in a small town.  I live in a small town.  They are NOT the same small town.  There is NOT A SINGLE PERSON in this book that is a reflection of any actual real person I know.  Seriously.  NOT     ONE.  I have to say that loudly and repeatedly because I have found that, for some reason, people I know locally want this to be a salacious Peyton Place kind of book that actually mimics reality so that they can try to figure out "who is who".  Nobody is.  For one thing I DON'T WANT/NEED TO GET MY ASS SUED.  For another, most of you guys are really pretty boring.  Seriously.  Get over it.

So, anyway, the characters who ARE in the book are the people who have announced themselves to me.  And as is frequently the case in my imagination, they sprang forth fully formed and they don't give a fat rat's ass whether I like certain things about them.  This is a sample "conversation" in my head with the main character:

ME:  Um, look, I'm not a lesbian.  This is going to make it really REALLY hard for me to write you believably.  Can I maybe. . .

MEGAN:  Tough shit.  I am.  Deal with it.

ME:  But . . .

MEGAN:  No buts.  I am.  You're a writer.  Use your imagination.  Ask people if you're afraid you've gotten it wrong.  But love is love. You've loved people.  I know you have.  Deal.

ME:  But she's BLIND.  I mean, can I at least . . .

MEGAN:  Yes, Beth is blind.  It's harder on her than it is you, believe me.  If she can handle it, you can write about it. 

AND THIS, my friends, is why my imagination always wins.  Because it is filled with hard-asses who are not afraid to stand up for me.  And yes, I know, it does make me sound crazy.  But apparently the characters in my imagination DO NOT CARE if they drive me crazy.  They figure I'm already halfway there.  I'm a writer.


Wednesday, September 14, 2016

Crisis of Confidence

I am not perfect.

I will never be perfect.

I try.

I fail.

I try again.

I screw up.

Sometimes, at about this point, I get discouraged and think, maybe I should pack it in.  Seriously, is it time to give up.

Then I get my back up.  Or somebody says something mean and bitchy and I REALLY get my back up.  So I try again.

And holy crapola, I SUCCEED!  WOOT, WOOT, I ROCK.  I'm AWESOME.  I'm so glad I didn't quit.

And then it's on to the next thing.  I feel I've learned.  I've grown.  How hard can it be?

And I fail.

This is life.  Progress is not measured in a directly rising angle.  It's more of a slow up and down climb through the foothills to the mountains, and eventually a vertical climb up to the summit. 

I get tired.  I get discouraged. 

But I'm still climbing.

So far anyway.

Saturday, September 10, 2016

And we're off (but you knew that).

Okay, I am not sure how many days I'm in to the program, but I figure I'm just continually trying to change and grow, so it won't matter so much.

I have done my exercises.  I have been taking my vitamins and the Rx.  I have been writing every day.  I sent the first part of the mss off to an editor friend for comments.  I contacted a thriller author to see if he'd be willing and have time to give me a quote a month or so from now.  I have done the newsletter up and got three chapters ready to attach in hopes that the audience will be salivating for the new Celia Graves novel that comes out in a month. 

I have done the motivational and spiritual work that I need to, and ordered the programs and learning materials I need.  I have been working on the household stuff, but have not made as much progress on the repairs as I had hoped -- but will work on improving that as well.

So, all in all, I'm doing well.  I'm feeling better physically and emotionally. 

With regard to the thriller, because I'm thinking of self-pubbing it (my publisher is Fantasy/Sci Fi/UF specialist) (and although if the agent thinks otherwise, I may change my mind) if I do I think I'm going to have a section in the back for FSBB (fun stuff in the back of the book) which will have fun stuff like the drawings I do for the floor plans of buildings, a photo I've taken of the water tower with all of the vultures on it (one day there were 126 of them!  When you consider these birds are BIG -- say 2 ft tallish that's a LOT of birds/feathers/poop); a copy of the bag packed the way I have the heroine doing it to prove that YES it CAN be done.  (She fits a LOT of stuff in that bag.  LOL).  I may change my mind about it, I do change my mind a lot, but it sounds like a fun thing and it would give readers a little insight into the little things I do to try to make sure that the book is relatively accurate.  Not perfectly accurate, but relatively.  (I have not ever been a spy, ergo, I am making some of this up from the seat of my pants--but I have done the research.)

Okay, I have to go.  Writing a reminder to the newsletter guru as it didn't go out yesterday.  I believe she was out planting trees.


Saturday, September 03, 2016


Okay, I'm not sure what day it is.  I could do the math, but that would require counting back and looking at the first post and the heck with that.  Whatever the heck day it is, it is a good one. 

I have been writing.  It is going well.  I switched from first person to third so that I can add a POV character because the main character cannot be in two places at once.  (This is not a sci/fi or fantasy book, it's a thriller).  This has meant going through and changing about fifty to sixty pages.  But it is worth it.  And I am finally, FINALLY feeling like a writer again.  Cutting out a lot of passive voice, which is what I fall into when I'm tired.  If you ever read passive voice in my books, know that it is in there because I was too exhausted to actually see what I was doing.

Today is the first day of a 5 day weekend for me.  This is awesomeness personified.  And I am already kicking butt getting things done.  So I get 10 major attagirl points. 

I have been doing a lot of affirmative stuff. 

About a year and half to two years ago (yikes) I found a bunch of tape programs in a drawer that were self-help, affirmative, GO FOR IT stuff that was HUGELY helpful to me, and moved me toward being happier and reaching my goals, gave me energy, etc.  But they were TAPE programs.  This is an issue.  It is HARD to find cassette recorders that work.  Mine died.  Two more that I bought on Amazon died.  And now some of the tapes were wearing thin.  (Can't say as I blame them.  Seriously, it's 2016.  I got these in appx. 1992-1995ish.  These babies may not have gotten a lot of use (if any) before the past couple of years, but they're OLD.  SO, after an attempt that was not entirely successful at getting another tape player, I went onto Amazon as one of my 100 day things and found a couple of the programs that worked best for me on CD, on sale, as cheaply as I would've been able to get another cassette player.  Now I know CD's are on their way out too, but I have several things with CD players in them and an old Sony CD player.  So I should be set for a while.  :)

So I am back in business on that.

I had used a particular prayer book daily for a long time.  It fell apart.  This is a sign that it was useful.  SO, as one of my 100 day things I went online and found a store that (fingers crossed) I THINK has the right booklet, and have sent off for it in the mail.  :)

I have not been doing as well on the exercise front.  I have to get onto that.  But having some time off means I can catch up on housework, and some of the "schtoof" that I've been too behind on so that I use the time to try to keep my life on track rather than making progress to getting the life I want. 

I'm still battling some depression, but it's receding as I get control and take action about the things that were bothering me the most.  I'm trying to remember to take my vitamins, etc. regularly.  Sleep schedule is still totally screwed, but that's part of the whole stress and no exercise package.  Seriously, when I exercise I'm less stressed, sleep better, feel better and accomplish more.  But somehow getting myself to do it regularly is HARD.  Stupid, but true, and not just for me I think.

I am now off to do more.  Be well.  Be happy.  Buy books.