Tuesday, January 26, 2010

And Sometimes I'm Wrong

Sometimes I'm wrong. It happens.

But sometimes I'm right. The trick is figuring out which in the midst of the action.

I am currently in the middle of making major life decisions. Part of this involves deciding what it is I actually want. Who am I? What do I want to do? I've actually made it to being a grown up. What do I like about who I am? What would I like to change? CAN I change it? Some habits are VERY ingrained. Some things are physical and while biology and physics are somewhat mutable, there are certain things (oh, like gravity for instance) that just aren't.

Then you deal with other people. They have free will. You don't GET to change them. Lord knows there are plenty of people who'd LOVE to change me. I wouldn't want to go along. I'm sure they'd feel the same way if I wanted to do it to them. And honestly, I don't want to change anybody but me. But I do get sick of trying to "get along" and stifling whole sections of my personality just so I don't have to deal with the hassles and friction with others. A good friend of mine says "So don't." But it isn't that easy. Because of said friction. There are folks who just love conflict and a "spirited debate." I don't. I pretty much just want to be left the **** alone to do what I want so long as it doesn't hurt anyone. I mean, seriously, what difference does it make whether or not I put on make-up on Saturday? Or wear a goofy hat? Why the bleep should anyone care? I love hats. I didn't used to feel self-conscious about wearing them either. But where I am now, other than ball caps and cowboy hats, you don't see people in hats. I wore one to Wal-Mart the other day and I got to hear snickers all over the store.

I probably shouldn't care. And yet I do---to a point. Which I suppose is my problem.

Another problem---Compromise is not my best thing. Never has been. And sometimes compromise isn't even possible. If it is a choice of up or down there is no compromise. You just have to pick one.

So, decision time. What do I care about? What do I want to do? Who am I? Am I okay with me, as is?

5 comments:

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Tammy said...

((HUG))

I think everyone has those questions I know I do at times. Heck in somethings I'm pretty much like you, I prefer to be left alone to do what I want, when and how I want long as it doesn't hurt someone else. HOWEVER, a certain family member gets on my case about the way I'm dressed or eating, etc, cause they don't get it. THAT person LIKES to go out with people (shudder), likes to do what I call "dress up" (double shudder!) give me sweats, or comfy clothes, not fancy ones.

Anyways I try and please that person as much as possible, but after awhile it's not possible, I almost HAVE to do it in a way that makes me happy.

Dolly said...

I agree with Tammy. You are not alone no matter where you live and especially in a small town.

I love staying home, period. No one understands that at all. You need to get out and do things. Well, things always cost money and let me be clear, I'm in no way short of money. I don't believe in spending it just to spend it.

Also, I enjoy NOT wearing makeup and NOT wearing a bra. Where I live, you cannot go out without either. I don't think my husband would care but we usually run into people he knows from work and I don't want to embarass him in any way.

I was in the Air Force for 20 years and had to follow rules all that time. Plus my job required a lot of people interaction. Well, now I have no rules to follow and I don't like being around a lot of people. So I stay home and enjoy myself. I go out when I HAVE to and boy does my family get on me.

So, stick to what makes YOU happy Cie. If you were a teenager it might be different but you've earned to do what you want to do when you want to do it.

Hang in there and be happy!!!

Dolly said...

Sorry for my last two rants on your blog. You really hit two of my hot buttons. Hang in there and be yourself!!

Suzette said...

I have to agree with the ladies. DO YOU. We will never make everyone happy but you should at least make you happy and for those that don't like or agree with it, that's THEIR problem.