Saturday, October 15, 2005

Saturday Morning

HI Guys. Cie here.

It's Saturday morning. I'm hoping to get some things done this weekend, but I've been fighting off being sick all week (which is why I've been tired) so I may wind up not doing a blasted thing other than lay around. We'll just have to see.

But the goal today is to do and be me. I spend most of my life accommodating others. I work in a service industry, etc. The other day in dealing with somebody I discovered something alarming. I almost literally couldn't use the word "No." One syllable, two letters. Should be easy. I kept saying. "I don't think so." "That would be a bad idea." "I'd rather not." And the person just kept pushing. Finally they joked about how "Until you say no, it's still negotiable." So I said "No."

They weren't happy, but they also stared at me and said. "That was really hard for you wasn't it? Why? Why can't you just say no?" And I realized part of it was the time and place of my upbringing. Nice girls just weren't that aggressive. If we didn't want to do something we had to apologize and explain and avoid. What we wanted wasn't supposed to be as important as what the other person wanted, so standing up for it had to be done with the utmost delicacy.

Pardon me, but what a crock of shit. And I cannot tell you how hard it's made things. Because other people think "It can't be that important" or "She didn't say no" and just keep pushing, while all the while I feel like I'm being bullied unmercifully.

I'm definitely going to have to include this for a character somewhere sometime. I am also DEFINITELY going to have to work on it. But the habits of decades don't disappear overnight. So wish me luck.


Yolanda Sfetsos said...

Good luck with saying NO, Cie. I know what you mean, sometimes people put you in awkward spots... but like you will, I overcame it!

Have a GREAT weekend!


Anonymous said...

Best of luck with this issue, Cie. One of my dear friends has a very hard time with "no." I see her trampled by friends and family who just don't know any better, who mistake her regretfully open arms for a doormat.

I hate to think of others getting trampled, too. And, perhaps I hate it so badly, because I have the same problem myself. Apologize, avoid, grumble and then acquiesce. Hardly ever a good clear "no." Even if I am seething inside and choking back a venomous "screw you" comment.

Honestly, I think it is an issue that most women need work on.

Anonymous said...

Happy Tuesday night and happy full moon!