Friday, March 10, 2006


I wish I was more self-confident. Sometimes I am. Most of the time, about things that really matter to me... not so much. The problem with self-confidence (self-esteem, and all of those other like qualities) is the SELF part. Nobody else can give it to you. You have to give it to yourself. Which is HARD.

Where is this coming from? I mean, after all, Touch of Evil is doing well. We're getting great e-mails from fans and reviews are great. Sales look good, etc. (And yes, I DID go to my favorite bookstore to look at it on the shelves. THAT bit of ego stroking I simply can't ever resist!) Well, the truth is that the edit letter is going to be coming back in a week or two from Anna (our editor at Tor) and I'm scared poopless. That was SUCH a difficult book to write because it was so intertwined with the first two in the series. The edits could be a real bear. And Cat (now Howling) was the book that originally started it all. (Even though it wasn't published first, I made up the world for Catherine and Raphael, before Cathy and I even joined forces). I also re-wrote the blasted thing so often that I was to the point where I told someone (possibly the blog) that *I* was ready to join up with Jack and kill her! Poor character -- she didn't deserve it. But I really was fed up. This, my friends, is the seamy side of writing.

So I'm scared. I want Anna to like it. I'm afraid she'll hate it. I'm afraid the edits will be huge and scary and.... Well, you get the picture. You would think that it would get better the more books we get out, and it has a little. But it's sad how little it takes to shake what confidence I have. So I keep telling myself. "It'll be fine. It'll be fine." Over and over.

Neurotic? Moi?????


Anonymous said...

Hey, don't be scared, go with it, heck you got three books out now, wow, relax and have a glass of champagne, play with the puppy and enjoy the release of "Touch of Evil." YOU GO GIRL!
P.S. Say "hi" to James.

Y said...

Don't be nervous Cie! Repeat after me: I am a great writer!


AE Rought said...

Cie, I so totally suffer from what you are going through knowing that my novel is due for edits soon. Y is right, just tell yourself you are a great writer! Even if you have a poopload of edits, they CAN be done. All to strength the book. Tough it out, Hun. We are here to support you!!