Monday, September 19, 2005

Sometimes I truly Hate Myself

I suppose everybody does. But I'm good at it. YEARS of practice. And the habit of doing stupid things and SAYING ***REALLY*** stupid things.

I have a temper. It doesn't serve me well.
I'm insecure. Which triggers the temper.

I snarled at somebody who didn't deserve it when I was tired and feeling insecure. Now they're rightfully pissed and avoiding the hell out of me. I've apologized -- but once something's out in the air it doesn't just "go away" no matter how much you may want it to. I feel like complete and total assh*** and wish there was a way to fix it. There just isn't. All I can do is continue to apologize and hope we can move on eventually. Oh, and not doing it again would be good. I REALLY hope I can manage THAT.

2 comments:

Y said...

Cie, I hope you get things sorted out... but don't hate yourself! We all do things like that sometimes, snap at the wrong people. They'll just need a little time.

All the best,
Yolanda...

:)

Anonymous said...

I wouldn't be too hard on yourself, you're a nice person, and hey people make mistakes and if they do apologize for their mistakes, that's a big plus, as there are too many people who are too stubborn or proud to apologize, so the fact that you did is a huge deal. Hope things work out all o.k. in the end for you on that one. I can understand the insecure thing too.
Jimbo