Sunday, December 14, 2008

Business as Unusual

Hi Guys! Thanks for stopping by and please keep posting comments.

I'm very slowly getting back up to strength and speed. Starting to be able to think creatively again. Staying up past 7:00 or 8:00 p.m. (Yeah, you read that right. When I've got symptoms I sleep. When it was bad a few years ago I wound up out for 18-20 hours and couldn't work. It isn't that bad any more [Thank God -- REALLY], but part of that is because I know the lead-in symptoms now and try to nip it in the bud.)

This is a VERY good thing. Aside from the obvious (I mean, who really wants to be sick, right?), I'm able to get back to doing more than just the day job. Since we just got offered a wonderful deal that involves me -- well -- um -- actually WRITING BOOKS this is a very good thing indeed.

I made a somewhat momentous decision (I think. But understand that I could always change my mind.) If I'm going to get everything I need to get done, done, and Cathy is going to get everything SHE needs to get done, done (which wouldn't happen if she was trying to cover for me because I'm not completely back up to speed), we are going to need some part-time help. So I contacted someone I know and trust, who was in search of a little bit of part-time work, and tentatively hired him on as my personal assistant. I told him on the phone the job description involved "shovelling all of the crap that keeps me from being able to actually write." In follow up e-mails (two, because Inkspot the Infamous decided he wanted to lay on the keyboard and send the first before I was done.) I explained in more detail.

I'm nervous as heck about this. It's a big commitment. But we've got good money coming up next year, and a little bit of it is coming for the on-pub payment for "Magic's Design" in January/February. Yes, there's LOTS of stuff I could spend it on, (and will, including going to RT for those of you who are interested.) but he's working for a VERY reasonable rate, and . . . well, I made the decision damn it, I need to let it go. I'll put a chunk of the money into a new bank account for payroll (enough for his estimated pay for the year and a couple of bonuses, which I can only do because he's being VERY reasonable) and that will be that.

Cathy and I are, indeed going to RT again. I've not been travelling much other than to try to move to Denver and for a family emergency. That has got to change. We need to get out there and actually SEE people. Besides, we're nominated for a couple of BIG awards, and I want to go and show my support. (I also hope we'll win. Keep your toes crossed, fingers are for typing.)

I'm a little bummed about a couple of personal things. First, I'm still in Texas. Texas is lovely country, but I am not cut out for small town living. But the economy does, indeed, sucketh pond scum covered rocks. I'm not giving up, but it's harder than I'd like.

Second, I've lost track of a number of friends. I've tried contacting them and they're not getting back to me. Which means they are probably truly lost. Always sad, that. But true friendship is a bond between two people where they BOTH want it. So there it is. And no, generally speaking, absence does not make the heart grow fonder (at least not if it goes on for very long at all). It tends to make the heart go find somebody to make it feel better. And life truly does go on. It was designed that way so that we could survive death of loved ones and other heartache. My life has gone on too --- which was why I neglected to stay in touch like I should.

Third, I've kind of lost myself. Okay, this is personal stuff, and maybe I shouldn't post it out here at all, but I don't think many people are reading this anyway, and I think at one point or another everybody's been here, or at least will be.

See, when you are in a new place and you obviously DON'T fit, you kind of hide the rough edges. It's the same sort of thing you do on a first date. Yeah, you're "you" but you're not the same "you" you usually are. Maybe you're language is a little better. You're certainly dressed a little better, or have your hair and/or make-up done in a more flattering (and time-consuming) manner. But after a while you start "letting your hair down" and being yourself. Only I haven't. Not really. And the times I've tried haven't gone all that well.

"You have a TATTOO?!!!" (expression of utter horror/disgust).
"Yeah, I got it for my 40th birthday." (which means it wasn't even a youthful indiscretion! Oh, the horror!)

Or the time I wore my leather biker jacket to walk the dog, and the little old man down the street nearly drove his truck into a tree.

Or the sweet, truly lovely and well-meaning, people who have come up to me to say that they are seriously concerned about the state of my soul because of the type of books I write.

Okay guys. It's been almost five years. I'm done. Toasty. Crispy critters done. I've made a few (emphasis on the FEW) friends, but even those I have to be careful around. For me, part of friendship is NOT having to always be so careful any more.

I wanna stop being on my first date. I wanna go home and be ME. ALL of me. I don't always want to be NICE and acceptable. I don't WANT to iron my jeans, and ALWAYS wear make-up. If I want to blast AC/DC "Highway to Hell" on my stereo I want to do it and NOT worry about somebody being mortally offended. I've lost track of big chunks of who I am and I want them back.

Cathy says I should just do it. Be who I am, and to hell with it. But there are consequences to that. And the point is that I want to be ACCEPTED for who I am. I want to RELAX, not have to be watching my back. Which I would. Carefully. Because I'm just a wee bit paranoid by nature.

So I hang on. But I'm REALLY hoping to move back to the city. Sooner is better.

NOTE TO THE WISE -- I just about deleted the rant part of this post. Sanitized it. Because, I don't want to offend anyone who might stop by.

But I'm not going to. Like I said. Crispy critters.

4 comments:

Dolly in TN said...

Hey, hang in there okay. You can only do what you can do. I have the same small town problem but I have family here so that makes it better. I'm a bit older so I can blame it on age and the "time of life" thing...lol. Sure hope something comes up for you in Denver. BTW, love the books. Keeping you in my thoughts!

Lesleigh said...

I agree with Dolly. However, I think you're probably just in the wrong small town. I live in a small town in East TX and it's not like that here. But then I guess it depends on how small your town is.

Please keep up the good work on the books. I love both the Sazi and Thrall series and eagerly wait on new releases.

Good luck on Denver.

Tammy said...

Your small town in TX sounds like my small town in PA. I don't live IN town but about 2 miles outside it, and for hte most part I do as I want the heck wiht the neighbors, etc. It's cut way back on the stress level since I started doing it, and you know something, the neighbors haven't asked me to leave.

Love the Sazi and can't wait to see what you all come up with next!

Can't get to RT but good luck on the awards you deserve them!

Yolanda Sfetsos said...

Happy Holidays, Cie! :)