Wednesday, November 24, 2004

Welcome to Pre-Thanksgiving Mode

Welcome to Pre-Thanksgiving Mode. I'm going to be off-line for most of the holiday weekend as far as posting, but hope to WRITE. The last few days have been seriously weird. Great good stuff, then equally pain in the patooty stuff. Kinda hard on the old psyche.

Went home at lunch yesterday and one of my cats was seriously sick, had to rush him to the vet in the afternoon. He's on high-powered antibiotics. We're hoping it'll help. But he is a very old pussycat (somewhere around 14 or 15). So I'm keeping an eye on him and keeping my fingers crossed.

The book looks great. We got an e-mail from our editor because she hadn't received HERS yet (weird that B&N shipped before the TOR copies went). She asked if it was pretty. I pointed out that it was like asking a mother if her baby is beautiful. DUH. That it was GORGEOUS and that I'm not in the least bit prejudiced! Teased her a little. She did get herself a copy by the end of hte day. Not surprisingly, she agreed. :)

It's cold and drab today. But maybe that'll encourage me to get a lot done. I hope so. I really have a ton to do. Not so much at regular work, I'm fairly caught up there, but real life... Ugh it's depressing just thinking of how long the list has gotten. And some of this stuff is really critical too.

I'm back to trying to find a workable balance in my life. I am constantly juggling my needs, the needs of the people I love, work, ordinary life b.s., and writing. It's hard because everything always wants more time than I have to give. I don't want to be selfish, but I also turn into a raging hag when I take care of everything else but myself. I don't mean to, but I do. I suspect that this inability to balance it out and maintain my good humor is one of the main reasons I have such a hard time in relationships. I'm very good at living alone. I'm rarely, if ever, bored. I am a massively difficult person to live with. I feel sorry for my son. He's had to put up with it off and on for years.

But then the question becomes, can you change? Particularly, can you change your basic nature? I told a former friend once (the brains fall out lady) that I thought a person can move along the continuum a little bit, with a massive effort. But on a scale of one to ten. If you're a 1, you may move to a three with hard work. You won't be seeing nine. Ainta gonna happen. I still believe that's true. So, my social abilities are a solid 2.5 naturally. (There are worse. Really, there are. Just not too many :) ). I would like to think I've nudged them to a 4, maybe 4.5. But when I'm tired, or having problems, life is not cooperating, etc. I slip back down. I think that's normal. But it is discouraging. Fortunately I have people in my life who accept me the way I am. I am very lucky, and very grateful.

I am also a space cadet. I left my glasses at home. Need to go get them NOW if I'm going to be able to do any work today. Later.


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