Forgive and Forget?

This is kind of two separate blogs. First, I lost yesterdays, where I chatted happily about the holiday decorating (at least that's how I remember it) and being content and happy. I also talked about how weird it was that I hadn't intended to blog all weekend, and wound up practically writing Gone With the Wind. But "the dog ate my homework". Now the last time that happened, some nice soul at Blogger (I assume) retrieved it from the ether. It was regurgitated onto the site a day or so late. Maybe it'll happen again. Maybe not. But either way, I'm happy, content, writing, enjoying the book being out, etc.

But, as with all good novels (and my life, my friends, is frequently either a very good or very BAD novel) there are currents moving below the surface. Which is why I was pondering the entry below.

Actually, what it probably is, is that last night I wrote when I'd decorated, and had eaten. So my blood sugar was high, and I was in a great mood. This morning, as I write this (and when I wrote the below), I HAVEN'T eaten, and am hungry and grumpy. But I don't GET to eat for another 30 minutes or so because I have to wait an hour after I take my meds before eating anything. So...

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I grew up in a small town. Not TINY, but small. It's not just size either. Small town is an attitude. There are upsides, truly. But one of the big downsides is that you never outlive anything. If you are, for example, an alcoholic at eighteen, and go (and stay) on the wagon from 21 on, you will still be known as a "drunk" at 45. Someone will say "Now Marge, you know he's been attending that AA...." But the reputation is still there. Which is one reason I believe that if you have a wild and impetuous youth (which can be the best kind) you almost have to leave your home town to accomplish anything and be respected for it.

Your wondering where this is going? Well, there's another small town tradition -- "The apple doesn't fall far from the tree." Everything you do reflects on your parents, and your children. I HAD my wild and impetuous youth. For the most part I don't really regret it much. (One or two things, but that's 'cause people got their feelings hurt unnecessarily). But I don't want to embarrass my parents. (My son, thank God, is nearly embarrass proof after all these years). And I don't want to HEAR about it. Yeah, I did (insert event here, something on the level of dancing on the table when drinking). But it was @*@#$S 24 years ago! I've changed a little bit, and it's not just in appearance. I'm a better person. But the weirdest thing is, when you cross the city limits and go back.... there's this weird mojo. People start treating you that way and all the changes you've made, all the progress, just goes right out the window, and your an angry, rebellious kid again. UGH. Which is why I'm hesitant to do signings back in my home town. It would make my mother happy on one hand -- she really is proud of me for writing the books. On the other hand, it's just asking for trouble. So, I don't know what to do. I haven't a clue.